The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXThe Simpsons Season 5 Episode 14: "Lisa vs. Malibu Stacy" Quotes
Lisa: Make sure you get my mom's hair just right!
Stacy Lavelle: Um, I think we'll use someone different for the hair.
Lisa: How about me?
Stacy Lavelle: Um, there's something not quite
Bart: How about me?
Stacy Lavelle: Uh
Homer: How about me?
Stacy Lavelle: (yelling)You all have hideous hair!
(the family gasps) I mean, from a design point of view.
Lisa: Well I'm not going to accomplish anything just sitting here--
Grampa: And griping. It's time for--
Lisa: Action! I've got to talk to that woman who invented Malibu Stacy and see if I can get her to--
Grampa: Come out of retirement. I'm gonna get me a job...a real Malibu...and see if Stacy...can help...invent...me...young...heeeelp!
Lisa: You're getting a job.
Grampa: Yes! I'm going where the action is.
Tour Guide: Welcome to "Enchantment Lane" where all the parts come together and Malibu Stacy is born. Some folks say there's a little touch of fairy dust in the air.
(Scene changes to tough looking man assembling dolls)
Man: Aw, crap. There's a clog in the torso chute!!! Leroy! Get your ass in gear.
Lisa: They cannot keep making dolls like this...something has to be done!
Marge: Lisa, ordinarily I'd say you should stand up for what you believe in. But you've been doing that an awful lot lately!
Bart: Yeah. You made us march in that gay rights parade!
Homer: And we can't watch FOX because they own those chemical weapon plants in Syria.
Lisa: Thanks for buying us these toys, Grampa.
Grampa: Ehh, why didn't you get something useful, like storm windows, or a nice pipe organ? I'm thirsty! Ew, what smells like mustard? There sure a lot of ugly people in your neighborhood. Oh! Look at that one.
(Homer parks the car in the driveway; everyone jumps out except Grampa.) Grampa: Ow, my glaucoma just got worse. The president is a Demmycrat. (Everyone rushes into the house) Hello? I can't unbuckle my seat belt. Hello? (Honks horn repeatedly)
Girl #1: Look! Achy Breaky Stacy for a dollar ninety-nine!
Girl #2: Live from the Improv Stacy's only eighty-nine cents!
Girl #1 / #2: Ewwwww!
Grampa: Anyway, about my washtub...I just used it that morning to wash my turkey, which in those days was known as a "walking bird". We'd always have walking bird on Thanksgiving with all the trimmings: cranberries, Injun eyes, yams stuffed with gunpowder. Then we'd all watch football, which in those days was called "baseball."
Grampa: I leave these: a box of mint-condition 1918 liberty-head silver dollars. You see, back in those days, rich men would ride around in Zeppelins, dropping coins on people, and one day I seen J. D. Rockefeller flying by. So I run out of the house with a big washtub and--Where are you going?
Homer: Dad, we'd love to stay here and listen to your amusing antidote, but we have to take these coins to the mall and spend 'em!
Grampa: And to my son Homer--
Homer: Woo-hoo!
Grampa: --and his entire family--
Homer: D'oh!
