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The-simpsons

Mr. Burns: Are you acquainted with our state's stringent usury laws?
Homer: (Unsure) U...sury?
Mr. Burns: Silly me! I must have just made up a word that doesn't exist.

Homer: Hurry, Moe, hurry! I've only got five minutes till the music store closes!
Moe: Well, why don't you go there first?
Homer: Hey, do I tell you how to do your job?!

Jerry: Clarinet?
Homer: No.
Jerry: Oboe?
Homer: No.
Jerry: Saxophone?
Homer: No. Wait a minute, what was that last one again?
Jerry: Saxophone.
Homer: (Recalling) Lisa, stop playing that stupid...saxophone! Yes, that's it!
Jerry: Alto or tenor?
Homer: D'oh!

He slept, he stole, he was rude to the customers. Still, there goes the best damned employee a convenience store ever had.

</i> Apu

Marge: We're just going to have to cut down on luxuries.
Homer: Well, you know, we're always buying Maggie vaccinations for diseases she doesn't even have!

Homer: I'll buy her that pony she's always bugging me for.
Marge: We can't afford to buy a pony.
Homer: Marge, with today's gasoline prices, we can't afford not to buy a pony.

Apu: Now, these hot dogs have been here for three years. They are strictly ornamental. There is only one bozo who comes in and buys them.
Homer: But I eat...oh.

Lisa: (on the phone) Dad, I broke my last saxophone reed, and I need you to get me a new one.
Homer: Uh, isn't this the kind of thing your mother's better at?
Lisa: I called her, she's not home. I also tried Mr. Flanders, Aunt Patty, Aunt Selma, Dr. Hibbert, Reverend Lovejoy, and that nice man who caught the snake in our basement.
Homer: Wow, and after them, out of all the people in the world, you chose me.

Maybe I should just cut my losses, give up on Lisa, and make a fresh start with Maggie.

Homer
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