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Marge: How fast is it going?
(Sees Homer scream in the speeding monorail passing by.)
Scientist: Well, judging by your husband's cowardly scream, 480 miles per hour.

Kent Brockman: What have you been up to, Lurleen?
Lurleen Lumpkin: I spent last night in a ditch.

Leonard Nimoy: A solar eclipse: the cosmic ballet goes on.
Man sitting next to Nimoy: Does anybody want to switch seats?

Marge: Homer, there's a man here who thinks he can help you!
Homer: Batman?
Marge: No, he's a scientist.
Homer: Batman's a scientist.
Marge: It's not Batman!

Marge: We're too late!
Cobb: I shouldn't have stopped for that haircut. Sorry.

Marge: Homer, there's a family of possums in here.
Homer: I call the big one "bitey."

Homer: Do you want to change your name to Homer Junior? The kids can call you Ho-Ju!
Bart: ...I'll get back to you.

Lyle Lanley: Now, I'm here to answer any questions you children may have about the monorail.
Kid: Can it outrun the flash?
Lyle Lanley: You bet.
Kid: Can superman outrun the flash?
Lyle Lanley: Eh, sure, why not.

I'll just amuse myself with some pornographic playing cards.

Mayor Quimby

Apu: I would like to see this money spent on more police officers. I have been shot eight times this year. As a result, I almost missed work.
Chief Wiggum: Cry-baby.

Mr. Burns: Hello my name is Mr. Snrub and I come from some place far away. Yes, that will do. Anyway I say we invest that money back in the nuclear plant.
Smithers: I like the way Snrub thinks!

Mayor Quimby: We will now hear suggestions for the disbursement of the two million dollars.
Lisa: Don't you mean three million dollars?
Mayor Quimby: (looks around nervously, adjusts his tie) Of course. How silly of me.

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 19 in total

The Simpsons Season 4 Episode 12 Quotes

The Monorail Song
Lyle Lanley: Y'know, a town with money is like a mule with a spinning wheel. No one knows how he got it and danged if he knows how to use it!
(audience laughs)
Homer: Heh heh! Mule.
Lyle Lanley: The name's Lanley. Lyle Lanley. And I come before you good people tonight with an idea. Probably the greatest... Aw, it's not for you. It's more of a Shelbyville idea.
Mayor Quimby: Now wait just a minute! We're twice as smart as the people of Shelbyville! Just tell us your idea and we'll vote for it!
Lyle Lanley: All right, I tell you what I'll do. I'll show you my idea! I give you the Springfield Monorail! (audience gasps) I've sold monorails to Brockway, Ogdenville, and North Haverbrooke, and by gum, it put them on the map!
Well, sir, there's nothing on earth
Like a genuine,
Bona fide,
Electrified,
Six-car
Monorail! ...
What'd I say?
Ned Flanders: Monorail!
Lyle Lanley: What's it called?
Patty & Selma: Monorail!
Lyle Lanley: That's right! Monorail!
(crowd chants "Monorail" softly and rhythmically)
Miss Hoover: I hear those things are awfully loud.
Lyle Lanley: It glides as softly as a cloud.
Apu: Is there a chance the track could bend?
Lyle Lanley: Not on your life, my Hindu friend.
Barney: What about us brain-dead slobs?
Lyle Lanley: You'll all be given cushy jobs.
Grampa: Were you sent here by the devil?
Lyle Lanley: No, good sir, I'm on the level.
Chief Wiggum: The ring came off my pudding can.
Lyle Lanley: Take my pen knife, my good man.
I swear it's Springfield's only choice...
Throw up your hands and raise your voice!
All: Monorail!
Lyle Lanley: What's it called?
All: Monorail!
Lyle Lanley: Once again...
All: Monorail!
Marge: But Main Street's still all cracked and broken!
Bart: Sorry, Mom, the mob has spoken.
All: Monorail!
Monorail!
Monorail!
Monorail!
Homer: Mono... D'oh!

Kent Brockman: What have you been up to, Lurleen?
Lurleen Lumpkin: I spent last night in a ditch.

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