The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXThe Simpsons Season 5 Episode 22: "Secrets of a Successful Marriage" Quotes
Smithers: Mr. Simpson, are you listening? (Homer eats an orange) Simpson?!
Homer: Huh? Yeah, I was listening. Very funny.
Moe: Oh, you were not! You were just eating a damn orange.
Homer: Well, yes, yes, to the untrained eye, I'm eating an orange, not to the eye that has brains; I'm making a point about marriage! For you see, marriage is a lot like an orange. First, you have the skin...then the sweet, sweet innards... (devours it)
Annex Manager: Now Tell me Mr. Simpson, what special skills could you teach a class on?
Homer: Uh... I can tell the difference between butter and I Can't Believe It's Not Butter.
Annex Manager: No you can't! No one can!
Homer: Okay, brain. If we don't think of something, Marge will leave us forever!
Homer's Brain: Eat the pudding, eat the pudding, eat the pudding, eat the pudding, eat the pudding...
Homer: Well, alright. But then we gotta get to work. (starts eating the pudding)
Wait! I need closure on that anecdote.
Squeaky-Voiced Teen
Moe: Hey Homer, why don't you nibble her elbow...that always melts her butter, heh heh.
Marge: Get out! Everyone get out now!
Apu: Ooooh, she's got to have it!
Marge: Homer I really don't like you telling personal secrets in your class.
Homer: Marge I didn't tell em personal stuff.
Marge: Today at the Kwik-E-Mart everyone knew I dyed my hair blue.
Homer: Oh you mean about you?
I can't believe I paid ten-thousand dollars for this class. What the hell was that lab fee for!?
Otto
(to Bart) Keep up the roughhousing, boy. Without a strong male figure, you could turn sissy overnight. (as he's scrubbing his underwear) Oh, these stubborn grass stains.
Homer
(After an insect falls out of his hair) You think you get them all, but you forget about the eggs.
Otto
Lisa: Will you be lecturing from a standardized text or using the more Socratic method of interactive class participation?
Homer: Yes, Lisa. Daddy's a teacher.
Bart: I missed you so much that I couldn't concentrate in school and I got an "F."
Homer: This is dated two weeks ago.
Bart: Oh, sorry. Here's a fresh one.
If he can teach a class, then he can teach a class! I mean, I can teach a class!
Homer
