The Simpsons Season 2 Episode 2: "Simpson and Delilah" Quotes
Dad seems to be taking this in a less than heroic fashion.</i> Lisa
- Permalink: <i>(After the Dimoxinil is spilled on the floor, Homer rubs his ...
(Mr. Burns and Smithers study security camera footage.)
Mr. Burns: Morons. Pathetic morons in my employ, stealing my precious money. This is hopeless. None of these cretins deserves a promotion.
Smithers: Well, it's in the union contract, sir. One token promotion from within per year.
Mr. Burns: Wait! Who is that young go-getter? (Points at a monitor with Homer on it.)
Smithers: Well, it sort of looks like (Chuckles) Homer Simpson, only more dynamic and resourceful.
Mr. Burns: Simpson, huh? Hmm. An unspoiled lump of clay to mold in my own image. Our new junior executive. Bring him to me!
- Permalink: <i>(Mr. Burns and Smithers study security camera footage.)</i> ...
Uh, the long-term benefits more than offsetting the one-time cost for a net savings of f-five thousand, two, uh, hundred an--(Stammers) Oh, lots of money.</i> Homer
- Permalink: <i>(After losing his hair again, Homer struggles through a prese...
(Homer runs through the town rejoicing about his new hair.)
Homer: Good morning, Moe's Tavern!
Barney: Hey! It's the president!
- Permalink: <i>(Homer runs through the town rejoicing about his new hair.)</...
(Homer, Lenny and Carl eat lunch at the power plant)
Homer: D'oh! Outta tartar sauce. They call this a portion? Hey, Lenny, are you gonna use all of your tartar sauce?
(Lenny slides his lunch tray away from Homer)
Homer: Dry fish sticks. This sucks.
Carl: Quit complaining, chrome dome.
Homer: D'oh! If I had hair, you wouldn't be calling me that!
- Permalink: <i>(Homer, Lenny and Carl eat lunch at the power plant)</i> D'...
Lenny: Homer, don't be a sap all of your life. Just fill out a few medical insurance forms creatively. Charge that Dimoxinil stuff to the company.
Homer: But it's a thousand bucks. Burns would can my butt in no time flat.
Lenny: (Sarcastically) Ooh! A thousand bucks. So what? To Mr. Burns, that's one less ivory back scratcher.
- Permalink: Homer, don't be a sap all of your life. Just fill out a few medi...
(The Simpson family watches a game show called Grade School Challenge on TV)
Game Show Host: Okay, the capital of North Dakota is named after what German ruler?
Marge: (Questioning Homer) Hitler, North Dakota?
Patty and Selma: (In unison) Bismarck.
Girl Contestant: Bismarck!
Bart: (To Homer) Hitler?
Homer: Hey, I'm still beating you, boy.
Game Show Host: Okay, the colors of the Italian flag are red, white, and what?
Homer: Red! White! Black! Green!
Girl Contestant: Green.
Homer: I was right! (Claps)
- Permalink: <i>(The Simpson family watches a game show called Grade School C...
(Marge discusses Homer's new hair with Patty and Selma.)
Marge: He's much happier at work and--Well, just between us girls, he hasn't been this frisky in years!
Selma: I don't wanna think about it.
- Permalink: <i>(Marge discusses Homer's new hair with Patty and Selma.)</i> ...
(Karl sits down for his interview for the assistant job with Homer)
Karl: You don't belong here.
Karl: You don't belong here.
(Karl stands and points at Homer across the desk)
Karl: You're a fraud and a phony, and it's only a matter of time until they find you out.
Homer: (Gasps) Who told you?
Karl: You did. You told me with the way you slump your shoulders, the way you talk into your chest, the way you smother yourself in bargain-basement lime-green polyester.
- Permalink: <i>(Karl sits down for his interview for the assistant job with ...