Sundays 8:00 PM on FOX
The-simpsons

Declan Desmond: (to Homer and Marge) Are you two considering children?
Homer: Pfft. Kids? No way. You won't see a couple of rugrats tying me down.
(Cut to eight years later, Homer and Marge with baby Bart and Lisa)
Homer: You better not put this shot after the one where I said I won't have kids. That would be a devastating edit.

Homer: Oh! This is Eduardo. He's the pool boy. He thinks he's an angry old rich man.
Mr. Burns: I am an angry old rich man!
Homer: (whispers) That's the pool chemicals talking.

Homer: (to Marge) All those years I was dreaming of other things, I was actually doing what I really wanted: hanging out with my family, drinking with my friends, making friends with my family and hanging with my drinking.

Young Homer: When I grow up, I'm gonna have a huge castle, a pinball machine with infinity quarters, eight pairs of peanut butter and jelly pajamas how many wishes do I have left?
Declan Desmond: None. You never had any. I'm not a genie.
Young Homer: D'oh!
Declan Desmond: Now Homer, your dreams will take a lot of money and, don't look at me, look at the camera.
Young Homer: Got it.
Declan Desmond: I said look at the camera.
(Homer looks down)
Declan Desmond: Now you're looking at a mud puttle.
(Homer looks at his left hand)
Declan Desmond: Now you're looking at your hand!
(Homer looks to the right.)
Declan Desmond: Now you're looking at the production company!
(Homer looks at his other hand)
Declan Desmond: That's your other hand! Do you even know what a camera is?
Young Homer: What! Of course I, um, no.
Declan Desmond: Ok, I'm going to put this squeaky toy on top of the camera.
(Homer's head goes up as the toy squeaks)
Young Homer: Oh! Squeaky! Squeaky! Squeaky squeaky squeaky!

Declan Desmond: I can't believe it! Homer Simpson! A bloody millionaire!
Homer: Why do you sound so surprised? This is our fifth take.

Chief Wiggum: As you can see, I've gotten everything I ever wanted.
Lou: Except pants that fit.

I will be rich. I'll own a football team and a basketball team and I'll make them play baseball.

Homer

My dad was a circus freak but my mom don't remember which one. I like to think it was a little bit of all of them.

Moe

It's been another 8 years, and what do I have? Same job, same house, same dirty joke book (He reads) Ha ha ha, I just thought for once I could be the cool guy in your movie, but all I am is the guy who makes everyone else look good.

Homer

Homer gave me a kidney, it wasn't his, I didn't need it and it came postage due, but still a lovely gesture.

Krusty

Marge: Homer! Don't kill the foreign man!
Homer: Relax Marge. I wasn't going to kill him.
(Knives drop out of Homer's shirt, and pants.)

(about Homer) He's the kindest, sweetest, most generous guy who ever drove through my living room.

Ned
Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 17 in total

The Simpsons Season 18 Episode 13 Quotes

Homer: Oh! This is Eduardo. He's the pool boy. He thinks he's an angry old rich man.
Mr. Burns: I am an angry old rich man!
Homer: (whispers) That's the pool chemicals talking.

Declan Desmond: (to Homer and Marge) Are you two considering children?
Homer: Pfft. Kids? No way. You won't see a couple of rugrats tying me down.
(Cut to eight years later, Homer and Marge with baby Bart and Lisa)
Homer: You better not put this shot after the one where I said I won't have kids. That would be a devastating edit.

x Close Ad