The Simpsons

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Homer: Celebrate your comonality. Some of us don't eat pork, some of us don't eat shellfish, but we all of us love chicken.
Mulism: You can simmer it in a tajeet.
Jew: In a soup, you can boil it.
Homer: Spread the word: peace and chicken.

What? Israel people are pushy? How about you experience a few genocides and see how laid back you are. We were perished from Spain. Thrown out of there. They allow everyone in Spain. But for us, Jews, no flamenco, get out. I'm pushy? Please. You stay there surrounded by your great enemy Canada. Try sitting here for two months, then we'll see who's pushy.

Jacob

Dr. Hibbert: Mind if I have a word with your wife?
Homer: As you wish. But look upon her not with lust. And do not send her friendly emails, that's how it begins.

Marge: Homie, you're alive.
Homer: I am more than alive, woman. I am the chosen one, who shall unite all the faiths of the holy land. I am the messiah.
Marge: But you still have the passports right?
Homer: Oh yeah, gotta keep track of those. THE MESSIAH! has the passports.

Ahh, a sand horse, car of the desert.

Homer [referring to a camel]

Bart: Quit going for my groin.
Israeli Girl: No groin, no Krav Maga. Hello groin.

Bart: You don't fight like a girl, or even a Milhouse.
Israeli Girl: I don't know what is Milhouse.

Why am I running from a girl? Hey call me when you're old enough for a Bat Mitzvah and I'll send you an envelope full of nothing.

Bart

Hoomer [seeing Bart taking out paper from the Wailing Wall]: Hey boy, we're supposed to be acting religiously, what are you doing?
Bart: Reading prayers and ignoring them, just like God.

I was wondering, do you deliver falafel to the top of Mt. Zion? Great. I'd like a large falafel with pepperoni, sausage, and extra cheese. Yes I know what a falafel is.

Homer [on the phone]

Ned: Homer, do you think you could show just the slightest bit of reverence?
Homer: Ned, I'm an American tourist. I'm just here to see some sights, try some goofy new foods, and spread some sheckles my with my Carolina Panthers credit card. Go Panthers!

This country is so historic, for all we know Jesus could have given a talk in conference room C.

Marge
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The Simpsons Season 21 Episode 16 Quotes

Reverend Lovejoy: God has never given up on anyone
Ned: What about Sodom and Gomorrah?
Reverend Lovejoy: He lovingly destroyed them.

Ned: Now let us download the holy tweet of the Lord.
Agnes: Stop making this relatable!
Jimbo: Hey, as a youth if I don't hear a computer word every couple sentences, I am out of here.

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