The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXThe Simpsons Season 5 Episode 9: "The Last Temptation of Homer" Quotes
Hotel Manager: And there's your king size bed for--(Makes various sexy noises).
Homer: Stop that, I love my wife and family. All I'm gonna use this bed for is sleeping, eating, and maybe building a little fort!
Homer: (writing on his hand) Mindy, because of our uncontrollable attraction, I think we should avoid each other from now on.
Lenny: (writing on his hand) Max, what I did was because of alcohol and anger...
Guy with huge hand: (writing on his hand) I am tired of these jokes about my giant hand. The first such incidence occurred in 1956 when...
Mindy: Hi Homer!
Homer: Mindy! Uh...Ahem...
Homer's Brain: Oh no, I'm sweating like Roger Ebert...
Homer: Mu...Murphy... You, you are an elf... uncontrollably... I think!
TV Announcer: Just do it!
Homer: AAAAAHHH!
TV Announcer: Examine your scalp for ringworm!
That raccoon stole my lamb chop!
Grampa
(Homer climbs into a cramped elevator with Mindy, but does not notice her.)
Homer: I've made it the whole day without seeing her again! (Notices Mindy) Aah! I mean--Haalow!
Mindy: Eh...I guess we'll be going down together--I mean getting off t--I mean...
Homer: That's okay. I'll just push the button for the stimulator--I mean elevator!
Homer: Moe, I need your advice... See I've got this friend named Joey Joe Joe Junior Shabadoo.
Moe: That's the worst name I've ever heard.
Guy: (Runs out of the bar, crying)
Barney: Aye! Joey Joe Joe!
Homer: So uh...what do you guys think of Mindy?
Carl: We love cake. Anybody see the game last night?
Homer: Yeeeah. That Mindy seems real nice.
Lenny: Homer, what's with you? You're talking during a coffee break!
Carl: Yeah, usually you just take the box of donuts into the bathroom!
Homer: Mindy has a motorcycle!
Sherri & Terri: Nice glasses four eyes!
Nelson: Yeah, nice shoes...uh... two feet...uh.
Doctor: Hmm...throat looks a little red...I better spray it.
Bart: (Coughs then in a nerdy voice.) Ooh, thanks nice lady, my voice is crazy with this brain already. Ooh, I feel so much better Mr. Medical science-type person.
You mean it ain't me noggin it's me peepers? Well that's just loverly!
Bart
Bart: Each parking space is a mere one foot narrower, indistinguishable to the naked eye. Therein lies the game.
Millhouse: I fear to watch...yet I cannot turn away!
Principal Skinner: Blasted woman, you parked too close, move your car!
Mrs. Krabappel: I'm in the lines. You got a problem, go tell your mama.
Principal Skinner: Oh, don't worry, she'll hear about this!
(Colonel Klink appears before Homer as his guardian angel.)
Homer: Colonel Klink! Did you get my Letters?
Colonel Klink: I'm not actually Colonel Klink. I'm just assuming his form.
Homer: Heh heh, did you know Hogan had tunnels all over your camp?
Colonel Klink: Homerrrrrrr!
