The Simpsons

The Simpsons "The Telltale Head" Quotes

Mr. Burns: I love you, Smithers.
Smithers: The feeling is more than mutual, sir.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Krusty the Klown: There's someone out there in Krustyland who has committed an atrocity! If you know who cut off Jebediah's head--I don't care if it's your brother, your sister, your daddy or your mommy... turn 'em in, and Krusty will send you a free slide whistle just like Sideshow Bob's!
 • Rating: Unrated

Bart: Dad, can I talk to you about something?
Homer: Sure, boy. What's on your mind?
(Homer puts Bart on his lap.)
Bart: Well, I was wondering. How important is it to be popular?
Homer: I'm glad you asked, son. Being popular is the most important thing in the world.
Bart: So, like, sometimes you could do stuff that you think is pretty bad so other kids will like you better?
Homer: You're not talking about killing anyone, are you?
Bart: No.
Homer: (Sternly) Are you?
Bart: No!
Homer: Then run along, you little scamp.
(Bart's climbs down from Homer's lap.)
Homer: A boy without mischief is like a bowling ball without a liquid center.
 • Rating: Unrated

Marge: Lisa, Bart, what did you two learn in Sunday school today?
Lisa: The answers to deep theological questions.
Bart: Yeah. Among other things, apes can't get into Heaven.
Homer: What? Those cute little monkeys? That's terrible. Who told you that?
Bart: Our teacher.
Homer: I can understand how they wouldn't let in those wild jungle apes, but what about those really smart ones who live among us, who roller-skate and smoke cigars?
 • Rating: Unrated

Clancy Wiggum: Well, we have no witnesses, no suspects, and no leads. If anyone has any information, please dial "0" and ask for the police. That number again, "0."
 • Rating: Unrated

Bart: It's just a statue.
Marge: It's a statue of the trailblazing founder of our town.
Lisa: It's a symbol of what we can all do if we put our minds to it.
Homer: Just a statue? Is the Statue of Liberty just a statue? Is the Leaning Tower of Pizza just a statue?
 • Rating: Unrated

Bart: Murderous mob, I beg you to spare our lives. At least until you've heard the story of how we ended up with the head of our beloved town founder.
Barney: How long will this story take?
Bart: Uh, about twenty-three minutes and five seconds.
 • Rating: Unrated

Milhouse: Will there be cavemen in heaven?
Sunday School Teacher: Certainly not!
Bart: Um, ma'am, what if you're a really good person, but you get into a really, really bad fight and your leg gets gangrene and it has to be amputated. Will it be waiting for you in heaven?
Sunday School Teacher: For the last time, Bart, yes!
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: Ooh! Look at this one! "The Hammer of Thor: It will sends your pins to...Val-halla." Lisa?
Lisa: Valhalla is where Vikings go when they die.
Homer: Oh, that's some ball!
 • Rating: Unrated

Are we missing your favorite quote from "The Telltale Head?" Submit it here and get points for adding quotes!