The Simpsons

The Simpsons "The War of the Simpsons" Quotes

(Bart and Lisa's breakfast with Grampa)
Grampa: (Pours Lisa a cup of coffee) Sugar?
Lisa: (Nervous) Yes, ten please.
Bart: (Rattlin') Hey Grampa, top me off!
Grampa: Are you sure your Ma let you kids drink coffee?
Bart: FOR THE LAST TIME, YES!!!!
 • Rating: Unrated

Marge: I like to think that I'm a patient, tolerant, woman and that there was no line you could ever cross that would make me stop loving you. But last night you didn't just cross that line, you threw up on it!
 • Rating: Unrated

Marge: Oh, they're here. How does everything look?
Homer: Yeah, how do I look?
Marge: Do we have enough glasses?
Homer: Do we have enough gag ice cubes?
Marge: Homer, Homer, put a record on.
Homer: What are all our friends' names again?
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: Mmmm... hors dourves.
Marge: Homer! You promised!
Homer: I promised I wouldn't eat? Never! You lie!
 • Rating: Unrated

Marge: Go easy on the al-key-hole.
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: Bart! Do that thing you do that's so cute!
Bart What?
Homer: That thing you know how to do!
Bart: What!?
Homer: Go to bed!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Marge: Well I was thinking... do you think you could babysit the kids this weekend, I wouldn't ask, but we're desperate.
Grampa: Oh suuuure! Last resort. Old Grandpa the feeb. The guy who can't be counted on for nothing knowhow dag-nammit. Everyone's against me! (Pause) I'll do it!
 • Rating: Unrated

Reverend Lovejoy: Ned, Maude, what brings you here?
Ned: Well... sometimes God bless her, she underlines passages in my bible because she can't find hers!
Homer: Oh, lucky you don't keep guns in the house.
Reverend Lovejoy: Homer, why are you here?
Homer: Oh, because I got drunk and looked down her dress!
 • Rating: Unrated

Lovejoy: Come on Homer what are her faults?
Homer: Well sometimes she can be annoying!
Marge: Oh Homer.
Lovejoy: Now Marge, don't interrupt, you'll get your turn.
Homer: I'm done.
Lovejoy: Okay, Marge.
Marge: Well its not that I don't love the guy, I'm always sticking up for him, it's just that he's so self-centered. He forgets birthdays, anniversaries, holidays. He chews with his mouth open, he gambles, he hangs out at a seedy bar with bums and low lifes.
Homer: Oh it's true!
Lovejoy: Homer don't interrupt.
Marge: He blows his nose on the towels and then puts them back in the middle!
Homer: I only did that a couple of times!
 • Rating: Unrated

Are we missing your favorite quote from "The War of the Simpsons?" Submit it here and get points for adding quotes!