My baloney has a first name, it's H-O-M-E-R. My baloney has a second name, it's H-O-M-E-R...

Homer

• Permalink: My baloney has a first name, it's H-O-M-E-R. My baloney has a se...
• Added: February 24, 2010

Grampa: That doll is evil, I tell ya! Evil! Evil!
Marge: Grampa, you said that about all the other presents.
Grampa: I just want attention

• Permalink: That doll is evil, I tell ya! Evil! Evil! Grampa, you said tha...
• Added: February 24, 2010

Homer: Do you sell toys?
Shopkeeper: We sell forbidden objects from places men dare to trade... We also sell frozen yogurt, which I call "frogurt".
Homer: Yeah, well I need something for my son's birthday.
Shopkeeper: Ah... Perhaps this will please the gentleman...
(The shopkeeper reaches the shelf and takes the Krusty doll.)
Shopkeeper: Take this object... But beware, it carries a terrible curse.
Homer: Ooo, that's bad...
Shopkeeper: But it comes with a free frogurt!
Homer: That's good!
Shopkeeper: The frogurt is also cursed.
Homer: That's bad...
Shopkeeper: But you get your choice of topping!
Homer: That's good!
Shopkeeper: The toppings contain potassium benzoate.
(Homer stares at the shopkeeper.)
Shopkeeper: That's bad.
Homer: Can I go now?

• Permalink: Do you sell toys? We sell forbidden objects from places men da...
• Added: February 24, 2010

Lisa: It's a story of a boy and his doll.
Homer: That's not so scary.
Lisa: A doll... from Hell!
Homer: I'm gonna go to the store...

• Permalink: It's a story of a boy and his doll. That's not so scary. A d...
• Added: February 24, 2010

(Homer imitates the opening of Alfred Hitchcock Presents)
Homer: Good eeevening. I've been asked to tell you that the following show is very scary, with stuff that might give your kids nightmares. You see, there are some "crybabies" out there - religious types mostly - who might be offended. If you are one of them, I advise you to turn off your set now. Come on, I dare you. (flapping his arms) Buck buck-buck-buck-buck-buck-buck, buck buck-buck-buck! Chicken!
(The screen goes black; all we see is a dot in the center)
Homer: Hey!
(we hear Marge entering)
Marge: Homer, did you just call everyone "chicken"?
Homer: No. I swear on this Bible!
Marge: That's not a Bible! That's a book of carpet samples!
Homer: Ooooh... fuzzy.

• Permalink: Good eeevening. I've been asked to tell you that the following s...
• Added: February 24, 2010

Marge, the doll's trying to kill me and the toaster's been laughing at me!

Homer

• Permalink: Marge, the doll's trying to kill me and the toaster's been laugh...
• Added: February 24, 2010

Marge: Am I going too?
Mr. Burns: Of course! We can't go without the bait...-thing beauty, the...bathing beauty. Ah, I covered that up nicely.

• Permalink: Am I going too? Of course! We can't go without the bait...-thi...
• Added: February 24, 2010

(Bart opens Grampa's gift, a box of cash)
Marge: Where'd you get all the money?
Grampa: The government. I didn't earn it, I don't need it, but if they miss one payment I'll raise hell.

• Permalink: Where'd you get all the money? The government. I didn't earn i...
• Added: February 24, 2010

Yep, here's your problem. Someone set this thing to "Evil."

Repairman

• Permalink: Yep, here's your problem. Someone set this thing to Evil.
• Added: February 24, 2010

Mr. Burns: What do you think, Smithers?
Smithers: I think women and seamen don't mix.

• Permalink: What do you think, Smithers? I think women and seamen don't mi...
• Added: February 24, 2010