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Lisa: I can't believe that an alien who looked so evil turned out to be bad.
Marge: Hmm, I guess you should judge a book by its cover.
Secret Agent: Definitely! Especially if you count the inside flap as part of the cover, it usually gives you a great idea of what the book's about.

(From "Mr. & Mrs. Simpson.")
Marge: All those nights I thought you were out getting drunk, you were out killing people?!
Homer: I was out getting drunk, then killing people!

That concludes our Halloween show for this year. I just wanna say that for those watching this network, you're all going to Hell and that includes FX, Fox Sports, and our newest devil's portal, The Wall Street Journal. Welcome to the club!

Ned Flanders

(In "Mr. & Mrs. Simpson" Homer is talking to Mr. Burns via satellite.)
Mr. Burns: Greetings, 241.
Homer: Why does he always bring up my weight?

(In "Mr. & Mrs. Simpson" Homer and Marge both shoot Principal Skinner.)
Principal Skinner: (Dying) Remember me... on pizza... Fridays.
Homer: No!

(In "E.T. Go Home" Bart shows Kodos his bedroom.)
Bart: So, this is my Krusty doll, Funzo, Linguo, Iraq War Sergeant Activity with insufficient armor, Phonic Frog, cat skull, Jim Halterman bobble head doll. He's a local car dealer.
(Kodos grabs the bobble head doll.)
Kodos: Hmm. Do all humans have such weak necks, or just the one you call "Jim Halterman"?

Now all I have to do is think of a clever line before I pull the trigger. (Thinks) Oh, that's a perfect one. But I don't need to say it out loud 'cause I'm by myself.

</i> Homer

(In "Mr. & Mrs. Simpson" Marge serves Homer dinner.)
Marge: Homie, I made you my killer lasagna.
Homer's Brain: It's poison. Whatever you do, don't eat it.
(Homer takes a bite.)
Homer's Brain: Okay, you're already eating it, but don't finish it.
(Homer finishes the lasagna.)
Homer's Brain: Okay, you finished it, but don't ask for--
Homer: Seconds, please.
Homer's Brain: You moron! Just kill her!
Homer: I'll kill her after dessert!
(Marge reaches into a pie on the table and pulls out two handguns, while Homer quickly produces a shotgun.)
Marge: You're a killer for hire!
Homer: You ruined that pie!

(In "Mr. & Mrs. Simpson" Chief Wiggum shows up while Marge and Homer are in the midst of trying to kill each other.)
Chief Wiggum: We got a complaint from an anonymous "neighborino" about an elaborately choreographed, high octane, ultra-fight.
(Marge shoots Chief Wiggum through the chest with a crossbow.)
Chief Wiggum: I would have taken a bribe. (Collapses on the floor.)

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