The Simpsons Season 18 Episode 14: "Yokel Chords" Quotes
(Bart tries to reject conversation with his therapist.)
Dr. Swanson: Well, I get paid whether you make progress or not. Why don't we just kill the time playing video games?
Bart: (Sarcastically) Yeah right. I bet you got a bunch of learning games. Why don't you go online and find a boyfriend, while I take a nap?
(Bart turns over and lies down on the couch.)
Dr Swanson: Actually, I just got "Death Kill City II: Death Kill Stories!"
Bart: Whoa! You've got DKCIIDKS?! That one's rated bad for everyone!
Lisa: My name is Lisa. What are your names?
Yokel Child: Whitney.
Yokel Child: Jitney.
Yokel Child: Dubya.
Yokel Child: Incest.
Yokel Child: Krystalmeth.
Yokel Child: International Harvester.
Yokel Child: Birthday.
Jitney: Awwww, are we gonna do this much work every day?
Bart: Years ago, Stanley DeGroot was a cook here at school. All the kids made fun of him because he never graduated from college.
Kids: Stanley, Stanley, no degree! Two credits short at MIT!
Skinner: Simpson, I know you're behind this! Well, you are going to get some counseling from the school psychologist!
School Psychologist: DARK STANLEY'S GONNA EAT MY BRAINS!
Superintendent Chalmers: Or from a qualified professional.
They hanged him for murder and buried him in an unmarked grave. When they came back the next day, the whole cemetery was missing!Bart
Krusty: Kids, it's finally happening: your own primetime special. The songs will be written by Broadway's greatest composer: this guy. What's your name again, Fuzzface?
Stephen Sondheim: Stephen Sondheim. I know you hear this all the time, but I think you're great.
Krusty: And I'm sure you hear this all the time: you cost an arm and a leg, so let's get to work.
Stephen Sondheim: Here's the opening number.
Krusty: (taking the sheets) Complex harmoniesintricate lyricspithy observations on modern life. What is this junk? Where's the zazz? Just do what you did in "Cats."
Stephen Sondheim: I didn't write "Cats."
Krusty: You didn't?!
Marge: Bart, honey, this is all we can afford for now. If it doesn't work, maybe when you're an adult you can pay some lady to make you happy for an hour.
Bart: Ya know, I'm pretty sure I will.
Nelson: And just when you think he's done, Dark Stanley takes your skin and makes footy pajamas.
Dolph: Nobody pajamanates my skin!
Yokel child: Hey, you're one of those funny people with a big, crazy nose!
Krusty: A clown?
Yokel child: No, a j--
Krusty: Joker! That's right. And I'm not a practicing Joker so I'm not that offended.
I'm blue collar. I'm totally blue collar. My dad owns a shovel.Andy Dick
Hey! This peppy stuff isn't bad! Maybe I will write that jingle for Buzz Cola.Stephen Sondheim
Look at those morons! They sing because they're stupid.Homer