The Simpsons Season 18 Episode 14: "Yokel Chords" Quotes
(Bart tries to reject conversation with his therapist.)
Dr. Swanson: Well, I get paid whether you make progress or not. Why don't we just kill the time playing video games?
Bart: (Sarcastically) Yeah right. I bet you got a bunch of learning games. Why don't you go online and find a boyfriend, while I take a nap?
(Bart turns over and lies down on the couch.)
Dr Swanson: Actually, I just got "Death Kill City II: Death Kill Stories!"
Bart: Whoa! You've got DKCIIDKS?! That one's rated bad for everyone!
- Permalink: Well, I get paid whether you make progress or not. Why don't we ...
Lisa: My name is Lisa. What are your names?
Yokel Child: Whitney.
Yokel Child: Jitney.
Yokel Child: Dubya.
Yokel Child: Incest.
Yokel Child: Krystalmeth.
Yokel Child: International Harvester.
Yokel Child: Birthday.
Jitney: Awwww, are we gonna do this much work every day?
- Permalink: My name is Lisa. What are your names? Whitney. Jitney. Dub...
Bart: Years ago, Stanley DeGroot was a cook here at school. All the kids made fun of him because he never graduated from college.
Kids: Stanley, Stanley, no degree! Two credits short at MIT!
- Permalink: Years ago, Stanley DeGroot was a cook here at school. All the ki...
Skinner: Simpson, I know you're behind this! Well, you are going to get some counseling from the school psychologist!
School Psychologist: DARK STANLEY'S GONNA EAT MY BRAINS!
Superintendent Chalmers: Or from a qualified professional.
- Permalink: Simpson, I know you're behind this! Well, you are going to get s...
They hanged him for murder and buried him in an unmarked grave. When they came back the next day, the whole cemetery was missing!Bart
- Permalink: They hanged him for murder and buried him in an unmarked grave. ...
Krusty: Kids, it's finally happening: your own primetime special. The songs will be written by Broadway's greatest composer: this guy. What's your name again, Fuzzface?
Stephen Sondheim: Stephen Sondheim. I know you hear this all the time, but I think you're great.
Krusty: And I'm sure you hear this all the time: you cost an arm and a leg, so let's get to work.
Stephen Sondheim: Here's the opening number.
Krusty: (taking the sheets) Complex harmoniesintricate lyricspithy observations on modern life. What is this junk? Where's the zazz? Just do what you did in "Cats."
Stephen Sondheim: I didn't write "Cats."
Krusty: You didn't?!
- Permalink: This guy. What's your name again, Fuzzface? Stephen Sondheim. ...
Marge: Bart, honey, this is all we can afford for now. If it doesn't work, maybe when you're an adult you can pay some lady to make you happy for an hour.
Bart: Ya know, I'm pretty sure I will.
- Permalink: Bart, honey, this is all we can afford for now. If it doesn't wo...
Nelson: And just when you think he's done, Dark Stanley takes your skin and makes footy pajamas.
Dolph: Nobody pajamanates my skin!
- Permalink: And just when you think he's done, Dark Stanley takes your skin ...
Yokel child: Hey, you're one of those funny people with a big, crazy nose!
Krusty: A clown?
Yokel child: No, a j--
Krusty: Joker! That's right. And I'm not a practicing Joker so I'm not that offended.
- Permalink: Hey, you're one of those funny people with a big, crazy nose! ...
I'm blue collar. I'm totally blue collar. My dad owns a shovel.Andy Dick
- Permalink: I'm blue collar. I'm totally blue collar. My dad owns a shovel.
Hey! This peppy stuff isn't bad! Maybe I will write that jingle for Buzz Cola.Stephen Sondheim
- Permalink: Hey! This peppy stuff isn't bad! Maybe I will write that jingle ...
Look at those morons! They sing because they're stupid.Homer
- Permalink: Look at those morons! They sing because they're stupid.