The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXThe Simpsons Quotes
Skinner: It will be featured in the fifth grade play of the Crucible.
Superintendent Chalmers: Good seats still available and by that I mean seats in the back where you can fall asleep.
Are you sure? Because we've brought you a lot of flimsy cases. Like that goat we accused of income tax evasion.
Chief Wiggum
Bart: Your honor, I'd like to enter something into the record.
Judge: Strangely, I'll allow it.
Bart: Ladies and gentlemen, I am a big dummy with a stupid job. I write down what other people say just like a big dummy would. Could the court reporter read that back?
Court Reporter: I'm a big dummy with a stupid job... hey!
Just as I feared, her Buddhism has led directly to witchcraft.
Flanders [about Lisa]
Lisa: I am interested in learning more about Wicca. Are you a minority group as defined by Ivy League admissions?
Wiccan: Cornell and Dartmouth.
I hate traffic, the band and the phenomenon.
Homer
So now Andy is a TV writer? Loser.
Lisa
Makeup Artist: Andrew, I wanted to show you something in the make out room.. err makeup room.
Andy: I'll be right there in a minute babe. [to Bart]: Looks like I just bought some property on Boner Way.
From now on our family is eating healthy food that looks bad on the shelf and good in our colon.
Marge
Bart: Dad! Lisa's making me see things from both sides again!
Homer: Lisa, I warned you about that!
Lisa: Shouldn't Bart have all the information he needs to make an informed decision?
Homer: Now you're doing it to me, aww...
You know when I was your age, we couldn't film our pranks for Youtube, it was local news or nothing.
Andy Hamilton
Bart: Willie, I know you witnessed the most awesome prank since creation.
Willie: I'll nay speak to you of those dark times, Bart Simpson.
Bart: But if there was a more awesome dude than I, I need to know who he was, what he did and how many days detention he got.
