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Marge: I can't kill her, she's Lisa's god mother
Apu: You can apologize in hell
Marge: I guess I could!

Lisa: Apu, how did you survie?
Apu: Well, as a vegetarian, I did not consume any tainted meat and as a convenience store owner, I am armed to the teeth

Lisa Simpson in detention? My horoscope told me I'd see something interesting today, but I thought that'd be the horoscope itself

Principal Skinner

Lighten up ladies, it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume

Homer Simpson

Marge [about Homer]: Is he okay?
Akira: He feels no pain. Oh I'm sorry, my English is not so good. I meant to say he feels only pain

This goes against every feminist bone in my body, but dad, can't you control your woman?


Of all the crazy things I've ever done, this is the craziest and you're doing it!

Homer [to Marge]

I am not a scalper, I'm just a dude whose 200 friends did not show up

Ticket Scalper

Marge: Ultimate makes everything worse
Otto: Not frisbee!
Marge: Otto, don't you have a sack to hackey?

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