The Simpsons

Sundays 8:00 PM on FOX
The simpsons
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If God needs money, why doesn't he just write another Bible. The first one sold pretty well.

Homer

Lisa: Nobody form any opinions while I'm gone.
Chief Wiggum: Well, hurry! We have no minds of our own.

Marge: Don't you think the parts that aren't evil, are a little...pretentious.
Bart: Absolutely...we're talking about Lisa, right?

Todd: We took the pledge.
Rod: We won't have sex until we're married.
Todd: To each other.

Just tell them that God wants them to ignore everything in their bodies that God is making happen.

Ned

Beware, rabbits. I spy with my transplanted eyes.

Burns

Lisa: How does this mean anything when everyone's forced to do it?
Marge: What did I say about pointing out the meaninglessness of things?
Lisa: Not to.

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Simpson, there;s going to be a heart in my hand, either paper or yours.

Nelson

I'm afraid wives don't make passes at husbands who wear those glasses.

Marge

Bart: Homer, Will you take me to buy a comic book Tuesday at midnight?
Homer: And miss the back half of Jimmy Kimmel? That's when he experiments, boy.

I cannot hide the snide inside!

Comic book guy

The closest thing I have to a father is the Obi-Wan doll in my store, and he comes from a race of celibate knights so...

Comic Book Guy
Displaying quotes 85 - 96 of 3443 in total

The Simpsons Quotes

Wow, now I see why they call you Miss Hoover. You must have been vacuuming for an hour.

Bart

Homer: (Wearing glasses) The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side!
Man: (From inside a bathroom stall.) That's a right triangle, you idiot!
Homer: D'oh!