They hanged him for murder and buried him in an unmarked grave. When they came back the next day, the whole cemetery was missing!


(at therapy)
Apu: He used to rob me two, three times a week. Now, I'm lucky if I get it once a month.
Snake: He never initiates it; I have to do all the work. He just stands there.

Bart: Years ago, Stanley DeGroot was a cook here at school. All the kids made fun of him because he never graduated from college.
Kids: Stanley, Stanley, no degree! Two credits short at MIT!

They say that Dark Stanley will kill you, then go wee-wee in your skull.


Skinner: Simpson, I know you're behind this! Well, you are going to get some counseling from the school psychologist!
Superintendent Chalmers: Or from a qualified professional.

Young Carl: I wish for world peace.
Young Barney: I wish for world war.
Young Carl: That would be cooler.

Homer: Oh! This is Eduardo. He's the pool boy. He thinks he's an angry old rich man.
Mr. Burns: I am an angry old rich man!
Homer: (whispers) That's the pool chemicals talking.

Homer: I do open-casket caricatures. (looking at a man in a casket) Did he have any hobbies?
Widow: Get out of here!

Homer: (to Marge) All those years I was dreaming of other things, I was actually doing what I really wanted: hanging out with my family, drinking with my friends, making friends with my family and hanging with my drinking.

Manure for sale!


Declan Desmond: (to Homer and Marge) Are you two considering children?
Homer: Pfft. Kids? No way. You won't see a couple of rugrats tying me down.
(Cut to eight years later, Homer and Marge with baby Bart and Lisa)
Homer: You better not put this shot after the one where I said I won't have kids. That would be a devastating edit.

Marge: Homer! Don't kill the foreign man!
Homer: Relax Marge. I wasn't going to kill him.
(Knives drop out of Homer's shirt, and pants.)

The Simpsons Season 18 Quotes

(During the opening credits, Mr. Burns acts as the Crypt Keeper from Tales from the Crypt.)
Mr. Burns: Hello, boils and ghouls. I am the crypt-keeper, or should I say master of scary-i-monies? (Laughs)
(Smithers interrupts Mr. Burn's opening speech.)
Smithers: (Laughs) Priceless sir, you made the word ceremonies frightening.
Mr. Burns: I know what I did. Urghh.

(as a huge wave is about to crash over the boat) Shiiipwreck!

The crew