The Simpsons

The Simpsons Season 18 Quotes (Page 3)

Season 18 Episode 20: "Stop or My Dog Will Shoot"

Judge Snyder: You stand accused of giving hope to scrawny young men. How do you plead?
Snake: Guilty of being innocent!
(Crowd laughs, Santa's Little Helper growls)
 • Rating: Unrated

Bart: Oh man! It's like the chemicals cut one!
 • Rating: Unrated

(lost in the corn maze)
Lisa: Dad, why don't you throw me in the air and I can see which way is out? (he does) Corn. (again) More corn. (again) Another kid getting thrown in the air. (again) Witches' coven. (again) Seattle Space Needle. (again) Amateur production of You Can't Take It With You. (again) Oh, I'm getting dizzy. (again) And corn again.
 • Rating: Unrated

Bart: Hey Lis, wanna touch Strangles? He's not slimy at all, he's scaly.
Lisa: (After touching the snake) Eww! He is slimy!
Bart: That's because I soaked him in slime!
 • Rating: Unrated

Microsoft Paper Clip: You look like you're trying to eat me. Need some help?
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 18 Episode 19: "Crook and Ladder"

Marge: Homer, I think you dominoed this.
Homer: That's ridiculous. If I had set up those dominoes I'd be wearing my special domino-setting-up knee pads.
(lifts pant legs to reveal he's wearing Dominex knee pads)
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Rod: But users are losers!
Homer: You're confusing drugs with druuuuuuugs!
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: (Dazed) Zombie montage.
 • Rating: Unrated

Bart: Why am I sleeping when right next door is every kid's dream - - a fat, suggestible, zombie dad?
 • Rating: Unrated

Firefighter: You've horribly injured the whole fire department!
Homer: Who are you, a travel agent? 'Cause you're sending me on a guilt trip!
Firefighter: Sorry.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Homer: Oh, I have 3 kids and no money. Why can't I have no kids and 3 money!?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Moe: You know, I think I'll volunteer, too.
Barney: Why'd you say "too"?
Moe: Well, I assume I'm not the first one.
 • Rating: Unrated

Mayor Quimby: It is with great pride that I place the safety of our city in the hands of the first four people who showed up.
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: I can't wait for my first fire. Is that one?
Lisa: That's just someone barbecuing.
Homer: Is that one?
Bart: That's a guy with red hair.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Apu: Mr Burns, just jump into the net!
Mr. Burns: What's in it for me?
Moe: Just jump!
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Homer: Burns stiffed us!
Moe: I can't believe he acted completely in character!
 • Rating: Unrated

Apu: Are you suggesting we should steal?
Moe: Hey, it ain't stealing if you take it fast.
 • Rating: Unrated

Apu: (to Skinner) It would be a shame if the next fire you fought was in hell!
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: Thank God there's a fire. Marge's birthday is coming up.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Homer: Moe, I can save you if you let go of the grandfather clock.
Moe: But it's been in my family for over 40 seconds!
 • Rating: Unrated

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