The Simpsons

Sundays 8:00 PM on FOX
The simpsons
TV Fanatic Works Better with Prime Instant Video
40,000 other titles are available to watch now.

Apu: Are you suggesting we should steal?
Moe: Hey, it ain't stealing if you take it fast.

Homer: I can't wait for my first fire. Is that one?
Lisa: That's just someone barbecuing.
Homer: Is that one?
Bart: That's a guy with red hair.

Homer: Moe, can we talk?
Moe: Are you crazy? It's 500 degrees in here! (Checks thermometer) Oh no wait, it's only 495. What's on your mind?

Homer: Moe, I can save you if you let go of the grandfather clock.
Moe: But it's been in my family for over 40 seconds!

Thank God there's a fire. Marge's birthday is coming up.

Homer

It is with great pride that I place the safety of our city in the hands of the first four people who showed up.

Mayor Quimby

Marge: Just come back alive, okay?
Homer: Don't tell me how to do my job!

We're not thieves. We're scavengers. Like the beautiful vulture, or the heroic tapeworm, or America's sweetheart, the maggot.

Homer

Look at me, guys! I'm stealing five Segways at once. And speaking of segue ways, I'm off to my next morally questionable activity.

Homer

Marge: Homer, I think you dominoed this.
Homer: That's ridiculous. If I had set up those dominoes I'd be wearing my special domino-setting-up knee pads.
(lifts pant legs to reveal he's wearing Dominex knee pads)

Rod: But users are losers!
Homer: You're confusing drugs with druuuuuuugs!

Why am I sleeping when right next door is every kid's dream - - a fat, suggestible, zombie dad?

Bart
Displaying quotes 49 - 60 of 374 in total

The Simpsons Season 18 Quotes

Bart: Finally someone who does whatever I say!
Milhouse: Hey, Bart. I shaved my head like you told me.
Bart: Get lost!
Milhouse: Yes, master!

Did someone say snack?

Homer