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Homer: I don't need a soccer lecture from a hillbilly!
Cletus: That's hill-william to you, sir!

My son is an evil knight. (Pauses) The most successful evil knight in all of Earthland Realm. Not bad.

</i> Marge

He was a good man. (He rips of Skinners leg and eats it) A good, moist man.

</i> Apu

(Moe's character, a troll, appears)
Moe: I'm Moe. I'm playing this while I'm on the can.
Marge: Wow, Moe. You're a troll.
Moe: What? No. My character's suppose to look like me. (Angrily) Why does everyone keep thinking I'm a troll? (He storms off under a bridge, stomps around and mutters angrily)

Mrs. Krabapel: This game is a great way to meet eligible men who can afford a computer.
(Skinner's character, a scaly turkey, comes up)
Skinner: Or have access to one in the school library.
Mrs. Krabapel: It's amazing how you can be a turkey in every reality.
Skinner: What's important is we're talking.

Lisa: You can't give me a yellow card! You're my father!
Homer: When I put on these shorts, I'm not your father anymore. And judging by how tight they are, I'm never gonna be anyone else's either.

(Marge's character is stuck in front of a wall)
Marge: This is really annoying.
(Grandpa is doing the same thing)
Grandpa: You're telling me.

The Shadow Knight shall rule no more, we spilt his blood upon the floor. With a high and a ho and a trolley-lolley-lay, it's a jolly, merry month of May.

</i> Everyone

Bart: Jumpin' Johnnycakes! Those dames are cheesed!
Homer: Son, I'll never understand women if I live to be 40.
Bart: Big if!
Homer: You said it! Enjoy me while I last. (Both laugh)
Bart: Want to go slam a few beers?
Homer: Want to watch me?
Bart: You know it! (Both leave for Moe's.)

I thought it went really well, until I swallowed the whistle.

Homer

What have you done with the real Moe?
(They all laugh, and we see in the real Moe bound and gagged in the back room)

</i> Homer

"For entertainment purposes only, credit card information may be sold to Korean gangsters . . ."

</i>
Displaying quotes 85 - 96 of 374 in total

The Simpsons Season 18 Quotes

Bart: Years ago, Stanley DeGroot was a cook here at school. All the kids made fun of him because he never graduated from college.
Kids: Stanley, Stanley, no degree! Two credits short at MIT!

Go love making!

Marge & Homer
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