Homer: I don't need a soccer lecture from a hillbilly!
Cletus: That's hill-william to you, sir!

My son is an evil knight. (Pauses) The most successful evil knight in all of Earthland Realm. Not bad.

</i> Marge

He was a good man. (He rips of Skinners leg and eats it) A good, moist man.

</i> Apu

(Moe's character, a troll, appears)
Moe: I'm Moe. I'm playing this while I'm on the can.
Marge: Wow, Moe. You're a troll.
Moe: What? No. My character's suppose to look like me. (Angrily) Why does everyone keep thinking I'm a troll? (He storms off under a bridge, stomps around and mutters angrily)

Mrs. Krabapel: This game is a great way to meet eligible men who can afford a computer.
(Skinner's character, a scaly turkey, comes up)
Skinner: Or have access to one in the school library.
Mrs. Krabapel: It's amazing how you can be a turkey in every reality.
Skinner: What's important is we're talking.

Lisa: You can't give me a yellow card! You're my father!
Homer: When I put on these shorts, I'm not your father anymore. And judging by how tight they are, I'm never gonna be anyone else's either.

(Marge's character is stuck in front of a wall)
Marge: This is really annoying.
(Grandpa is doing the same thing)
Grandpa: You're telling me.

The Shadow Knight shall rule no more, we spilt his blood upon the floor. With a high and a ho and a trolley-lolley-lay, it's a jolly, merry month of May.

</i> Everyone

Bart: Jumpin' Johnnycakes! Those dames are cheesed!
Homer: Son, I'll never understand women if I live to be 40.
Bart: Big if!
Homer: You said it! Enjoy me while I last. (Both laugh)
Bart: Want to go slam a few beers?
Homer: Want to watch me?
Bart: You know it! (Both leave for Moe's.)

I thought it went really well, until I swallowed the whistle.

Homer

What have you done with the real Moe?
(They all laugh, and we see in the real Moe bound and gagged in the back room)

</i> Homer

"For entertainment purposes only, credit card information may be sold to Korean gangsters . . ."

</i>

The Simpsons Season 18 Quotes

(reading his poem)
There once was a rapping tomato,
That's right I said rapping tomato,
He rapped all day from April to May,
And also guess what, it was me.

Homer

(to Marge about her Internet surfing success) I'm proud of you, Mom! You're like Christopher Columbus. You discovered something millions of people knew about before you.

Lisa