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Moe: Who wants to abolish democracy forever? Show of hands.
Carl: I could really go for some kind of military thing like, uh, Juan Pern. When he disappeared ya, you stayed disappeared.
Lenny: Plus his wife was Madonna.
- Permalink: Who wants to abolish democracy forever? Show of hands. I could...
(On the phone)
Marge: I'm just really worried about your weight. Bart says that we got a call from NASA, and your gravity is pulling satellites out of their orbit.
Homer: Marge, that was a joke.
Marge: But it comes from a true place.
- Permalink: I'm just really worried about your weight. Bart says that we got...
Homer: Dad, I can't remember what I did last night. Do have any idea?
Grampa: You come to me for help rememberin'? That's like asking your horse to do your taxes--Which I did in 1998. (Shows photo of horse using an adding machine.)
- Permalink: Dad, I can't remember what I did last night. Do have any idea? ...
(Homer seeks Flanders help to find out what happened to him.)
Homer: Flanders, why did you call the cops last night?
Ned: I had to--I heard a hubbub, Bub.
Homer: What did I do?!
Ned: Well, I can't say for sure, but as a Christian, I assume the worst.
- Permalink: Flanders, why did you call the cops last night? I had to--I he...
The mother of my children with the reason for my children!</i> Homer
- Permalink: The mother of my children with the reason for my children!
Homer: Strap me in, nerd!
Professor Frink: To me, "nerd" stands for Not Even Remotely Dorky. So thank you. Thank you for the compliment.
- Permalink: Strap me in, nerd! To me, nerd stands for Not Even Remotely Do...
(Grampa suggests that Homer should go see Professor Frink to help him remember what happened the night before.)
Homer: Really? Oh, that's great, Dad. How can I ever repay you?
Grampa: Punch that orderly who takes sips out of my juice.
(Cut to Homer punching an orderly who is about to make a bed.)
Grampa: No, wait. That's the guy that saved my life.
- Permalink: Really? Oh, that's great, Dad. How can I ever repay you? Punc...
Sideshow Bob: Before you die, perhaps you'd like to know how I engineered my ultimate revenge.
Homer: I'd like to know if Wes Doobner is aware of what you're doing in his restaurant!
Sideshow Bob: I'm Wes Doobner!
Homer: Mr. Doobner, I have a complaint: I work hard and when I go out with my family I expect a certain level of basic--
Sideshow Bob: Shut up!
- Permalink: Before you die, perhaps you'd like to know how I engineered my u...
(Lisa explains how she figured out Sideshow Bob's scheme on the way to save Bart at the funeral home.)
Lisa: Bob planned this from the beginning.
Lisa: He wanted to be captured at the restaurant.
Lisa: He would never get a Shakespeare quote wrong.
Lisa: His mother was a Shakespearian actress.
Homer: Oh, yeeh!
Lisa: His father was a doctor.
Homer: A doctor, huh?
Lisa: So when Bob collaspsed in the courtroom...
Homer I remember.
Lisa: ...his father could take that opportunity to inject Bob with a powerful drug that simulated death.
Lisa: It was a diabolical scheme and every member of his family played a part!
Homer: Are you done? 'Cause I've been circling the funeral home for 10 minutes.
Lisa: (Begrudgingly) Yes.
- Permalink: Bob planned this from the beginning. Uh-huh. He wanted to be...
(The family watches a commercial for a new restaurant.)
Wes Doobner: Howdy, folks! Are tired of family arguments over where to go for dinner?
Homer: Sometimes I think about gettin' on a bus and never comin' back.
Wes Doobner: Why not try Wes Doobner's World Famous Family Style Rib Huts? The rib joint with somethin' for everyone!
Homer: Good luck with my finicky appetite!
Wes Doobner: We've got ribs--
Wes Doobner: Plain noodles.
Wes Doobner: With butter.
Wes Doobner: Texas tofu!
Lisa: Yummy, yumma!
Wes Doobner: And the easiest place mat puzzle in the state.
Bart: Let me at it!
- Permalink: Howdy, folks! Are tired of family arguments over where to go for...
(At Sideshow Bob's trial.)
Sideshow Bob: Your Honor, I choose to represent myself. And let me say... I did try to kill the Simpsons. I truly did.
(The entire courtroom gasps in shock.)
Prosecutor: (to Homer and Marge) Okay, if he doesn't say "but" right now, we are home free.
Sideshow Bob: But--
- Permalink: Your Honor, I choose to represent myself. And let me say... I di...
(At Cirucit Circus.)
Homer: (to Bart) Now ignore all the fancy shmancy thingamajigs, boy. We're just gonna get a camera battery and go home.
Salesman #1: Interested in a car stereo?
Homer: No, thanks. Just here for a battery.
Salesman #2: Big special on camcorders!
Homer: All I want is a battery.
Saleswoman: Care to make love, sir?
Homer: Battery, battery, battery!
- Permalink: Now ignore all the fancy shmancy thingamajigs, boy. We're just g...