The Simpsons

The Simpsons Season 19 Quotes (Page 3)

Season 19 Episode 17: "Apocalypse Cow"

Bart: (to Lou) I don't care how much of a pumped-up freak you are. I still love you. The way Barry Bonds' kids probably still love him.
 • Rating: Unrated

Cletus: We always figured someday Mary would marry. That's why we called her "Mary." We name all our kids after what we thinks gonna happen to 'em. Ain't that right, Stabbed In Jail?
Stabbed In Jail: (whittling a stick) We'll see who stabs who.
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 19 Episode 16: "Papa Don't Leech"

Homer: Dad, are you sure you're okay to drive at night?
Grampa: It's night?
Homer: That's it, pull over!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Bart: Dad was Colonel Homer and he wore that awesome suit and Lurleen wanted to bunk his brains out! But I forget how Mom felt about it.
(Marge grinds her teeth angrily)
 • Rating: Unrated

Marge: (about Lurleen) She turned down Lenny and Carl? That's like somebody who doesn't like hamburgers or hotdogs! What could make her hate men like that?
 • Rating: Unrated

Royce Lumpkin: Lurleen? My goodness! You're the spitting image of your mother's hotter sister!
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: Just sit still in my lap.
Bart: What lap?
Lisa: All I see is a gut with knees.
Homer: Why, you little!
 • Rating: Unrated

Radio DJ: Here's a song that's rising faster than a rocket with a rocket up its butt!
 • Rating: Unrated

(Marge tracks down Lurleen's father.)
Marge: Hello. Are you Royce Lumpkin?
Royce: That's right.
Marge: The father of Lurleen Lumpkin?
Royce: Lurleen? (sighs) I ain't seen my little girl in 30 years. She must be what, uh, 12, 13 by now?
Marge: She's 34, and she's having a rough time!
Royce: Oh, man. I better whiskey up these corn flakes. (pours whiskey in his cereal)
Marge: She needs to see you right away!
Royce: Aw, man. I better heroin up this orange juice. (shoots contents of a syringe into his glass)
 • Rating: Unrated

Marge: (to Lurleen) If you ever come near Homer again, I'll strangle you with your own hair extensions. That's right, I know.
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 19 Episode 15: "Smoke on the Daughter"

Homer: Son, while your mother and little mother are out, I'm gonna let you in on a deep, dark family secret.
Bart: You have a drinking problem?
Homer: I said secret.
 • Rating: Unrated

(Homer and Lisa are excited about the latest Angelica Button book.)
Lisa: The last book in the series goes on sale at midnight and we're gonna go stand in line.
Bart: Wait in line for a book?! You tell 'em Bart says hey.
Homer: Come on, boy. All the nerds are doing it.
Bart: I'm not a nerd. I'm a jock who's too cool for sports.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

(Chazz Busby's TV commercial.)
Chazz Busby: See that? That's talent. Think you got it? You don't. 'Cause only I can teach it and I ain't taught you, so you don't. The Chazz Busby Ballet Academy is coming to Springfield. Auditions are Monday. Callbacks are Tuesday. Wednesday, you see I'm a heartless bastard. Thursday you realize you love me, damn it. Friday, we're closed.
 • Rating: Unrated

Marge: Homie, I'm gonna be a dancer!
Homer: Go-go or boring?
Marge: Boring!
(Homer moans)
 • Rating: Unrated

Chazz Busby: I haven't seen crap like this since my Broadway show Crap Like This. Ran for five years.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Homer: I can't believe you were smoking. Do you know the "sturgeon" general said you're not supposed to?
Lisa: A "sturgeon" is a fish.
Homer: And a very wise fish he is!
 • Rating: Unrated

(Bart sees Lisa taking second-hand smoke and calls home.)
Homer: Yello. She what?! Oh, my God! Well, I'm going to settle this once and for all! Meet me at that place we discussed. (Hangs up)
Marge: Who was that?
Homer: Wrong number.
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: Stop saying things, Bart. That's the TV's job.
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: This is my favorite family tradition, ice cream after a botched recital.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 19 Episode 14: "Dial N For Nerder"

Homer: Oh boy, dinner time! The perfect break between work and drunk!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

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