The Simpsons

The Simpsons Season 19 Quotes (Page 6)

Season 19 Episode 11: "That 90's Show"

Marge: (gasps as she bursts into Homer's mansion) Oh, my god, you're a junkie!
Homer: (moaning) I need it...
Marge: I'm getting you off this stuff!
Homer: But I need it!
Marge: No, you don't!
(Flash back to the present)
Marge: Unfortunately, as I later learned, that wasn't heroin. It was insulin. Homer really did need those injections.
Homer: I had become diabetic from drinking too many Frappuccinos.
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 19 Episode 10: "E Pluribus Wiggum"

(An alarming amount of presidential hopefuls descend on the Simpson house when they see that the Simpsons haven't decided who to vote for yet.)
Homer: If you haven't sprung from or aren't married to my loins, get the hell out of this house!
(All the candidates leave, except for someone hiding behind a plant.)
Homer: You too, Fred Thompson!
Fred Thompson: But I was in Die Hard.
Homer: (Scoffs) Die Hard Two!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

(Homer tries to convince Springfield to rebuild the "Fast-Food District.")
Homer: I don't know about you, but I don't want to live in a future where food is brought by "waiters..." where the chairs aren't attached to the tables... and where I can't ditch my kids in a pit of dirty balls.
 • Rating: Unrated

Nelson: (to Washington Post reporter) Haw-haw! Your medium is dying!
Principal Skinner: Nelson!
Nelson: But it is.
Principal Skinner: There's being right and there's being nice.
 • Rating: Unrated

(Homer spots a trash can while leaving Krusty Burger.)
Homer: (Gasps) A drive-up trash can. This must be how the rich toss out their gold.
 • Rating: Unrated

Marge: This election is on every channel.
Homer: Come on, Marge. It's primary fever. Catch it!
Marge: That's what you said about yellow fever, and that was no fun.
 • Rating: Unrated

(Kent Brockman reports on the Springfield presidential primary.)
Kent Brockman: With Springfield's primary now first in the nation, our humble city is overrun with candidates, newshounds, spin doctors, hacks, flacks, Russerts, Blitzers and even the occasional voter. (to Moe) Sir, do have a preference?
Moe: Yeah, I like girls, fruit loop.
Kent Brockman: Oh. Are you a registered voter?
Moe: I'm a registered something.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Moe: Who wants to abolish democracy forever? Show of hands.
Carl: I could really go for some kind of military thing like, uh, Juan Pern. When he disappeared ya, you stayed disappeared.
Lenny: Plus his wife was Madonna.
 • Rating: Unrated

(On the phone)
Marge: I'm just really worried about your weight. Bart says that we got a call from NASA, and your gravity is pulling satellites out of their orbit.
Homer: Marge, that was a joke.
Marge: But it comes from a true place.
 • Rating: Unrated

Bart: The Constitution? I'm pretty sure the Patriot Act killed it to ensure our freedoms.
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 19 Episode 9: "Eternal Moonshine of the Simpson Mind"

(Homer seeks Flanders help to find out what happened to him.)
Homer: Flanders, why did you call the cops last night?
Ned: I had to--I heard a hubbub, Bub.
Homer: What did I do?!
Ned: Well, I can't say for sure, but as a Christian, I assume the worst.
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: Dad, I can't remember what I did last night. Do have any idea?
Grampa: You come to me for help rememberin'? That's like asking your horse to do your taxes--Which I did in 1998. (Shows photo of horse using an adding machine.)
 • Rating: Unrated

(Homer assumes the worst when he sees Marge on the couch with Duffman.)
Homer: The mother of my children with the reason for my children!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Homer: Strap me in, nerd!
Professor Frink: To me, "nerd" stands for Not Even Remotely Dorky. So thank you. Thank you for the compliment.
 • Rating: Unrated

(Grampa suggests that Homer should go see Professor Frink to help him remember what happened the night before.)
Homer: Really? Oh, that's great, Dad. How can I ever repay you?
Grampa: Punch that orderly who takes sips out of my juice.
Homer: Done.
(Cut to Homer punching an orderly who is about to make a bed.)
Grampa: No, wait. That's the guy that saved my life.
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 19 Episode 8: "Funeral for a Fiend"

(Lisa explains how she figured out Sideshow Bob's scheme on the way to save Bart at the funeral home.)
Lisa: Bob planned this from the beginning.
Homer: Uh-huh.
Lisa: He wanted to be captured at the restaurant.
Homer: Yes.
Lisa: He would never get a Shakespeare quote wrong.
Homer: No.
Lisa: His mother was a Shakespearian actress.
Homer: Oh, yeeh!
Lisa: His father was a doctor.
Homer: A doctor, huh?
Lisa: So when Bob collaspsed in the courtroom...
Homer I remember.
Lisa: ...his father could take that opportunity to inject Bob with a powerful drug that simulated death.
Homer: Uh-huh.
Lisa: It was a diabolical scheme and every member of his family played a part!
Homer: Are you done? 'Cause I've been circling the funeral home for 10 minutes.
Lisa: (Begrudgingly) Yes.
 • Rating: Unrated

(The family watches a commercial for a new restaurant.)
Wes Doobner: Howdy, folks! Are tired of family arguments over where to go for dinner?
Homer: Sometimes I think about gettin' on a bus and never comin' back.
Wes Doobner: Why not try Wes Doobner's World Famous Family Style Rib Huts? The rib joint with somethin' for everyone!
Homer: Good luck with my finicky appetite!
Wes Doobner: We've got ribs--
Homer: Sold!
Wes Doobner: Plain noodles.
(Marge sighs.)
Wes Doobner: With butter.
Marge: Yowza!
Wes Doobner: Texas tofu!
Lisa: Yummy, yumma!
Wes Doobner: And the easiest place mat puzzle in the state.
Bart: Let me at it!
 • Rating: Unrated

(At Sideshow Bob's trial.)
Sideshow Bob: Your Honor, I choose to represent myself. And let me say... I did try to kill the Simpsons. I truly did.
(The entire courtroom gasps in shock.)
Prosecutor: (to Homer and Marge) Okay, if he doesn't say "but" right now, we are home free.
Sideshow Bob: But--
Prosecutor: Damn!
 • Rating: Unrated

(At Cirucit Circus.)
Homer: (to Bart) Now ignore all the fancy shmancy thingamajigs, boy. We're just gonna get a camera battery and go home.
Salesman #1: Interested in a car stereo?
Homer: No, thanks. Just here for a battery.
Salesman #2: Big special on camcorders!
Homer: All I want is a battery.
Saleswoman: Care to make love, sir?
Homer: Battery, battery, battery!
 • Rating: Unrated

(Krusty plays the piano and sings in mourning at Sideshow Bob's funeral.)
Krusty: Farewell, Sideshow Bob
Your shoes are empty and the stage is dark.
Bart stole your nitroglycerin
And then your heart, it barked.

And it seems to me your loyal fans
Oughta buy this DVD
(Holds up a Best of Sideshow Bob DVD.)
Of all your best-loved sketches
On The Krusty Show.

It's full of extra features
And deleted scenes.
Like when you fell and split your pants
And we saw your "Frank and Beans."
 • Rating: Unrated

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