The Simpsons

The Simpsons Season 2 Quotes (Page 7)

Season 2 Episode 13: "Homer vs. Lisa and the 8th Commandment"

(Moses appears before the Israelites with the Ten Commandments.)
Moses: The Lord has handed down to us Ten Commandments by which to live. I will now read them in no particular order. "Thou shalt not make any graven images."
Hezron, Carver of Graven Images: (Throws down chisel) Oh, my God!
Moses: "Thou shalt not commit adultery."
Zohar the Adulterer: Ah, well. Looks like the party's over.
Homer the Thief: (Chuckles) Hey, Moses, keep 'em comin'.
Moses: "Thou shalt not steal."
Homer the Thief: D'oh!
 • Rating: Unrated

(Bart and the family watch TV.)
Bart: Oh, cool! This is where "Jaws" eats the boat! Man, this is where "Die Hard" jumps through the window. (Laughs) Whoa! This is where "Wall Street" gets arrested! (Chuckles)
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

(In bed, Homer and Marge argue about the illegal cable.)
Marge: But Homer, I'm afraid that cable has become an evil presence in our home.
Homer: (Sternly) Marge, I never put my foot down about anything.
Marge: No--
Homer: But I am severely tempted to do it over this. (Raises foot)
Marge: Oh, Homer.
Homer: Marge, I'm sorry. I think it's coming down.
Marge: No, Homer! Not--
Homer: (Sticks foot over floor) It's coming down. My foot, it's--
Marge: No!
Homer: That's it, Marge. The cable stays. The foot has spoken. (Slams foot down)
 • Rating: Unrated

(While in Sunday School; Bart raised his hand)
Mrs. Albright: Yes, Bart?
Bart: Are there pirates in Hell?
Mrs. Albright: Yes, thousands of them.
Bart: (rubs hands) Hoo hoo, baby!
 • Rating: Unrated

Bart: (about Hell) Wouldn't you eventually get used to it, like in a hot tub?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 2 Episode 12: "The Way We Was"

Barney: Wanna go to the prom with me?
Kim: Good God! No!
Barney: Well put.
 • Rating: Unrated

(Teenage Homer imagines working at the nuclear power plant.)
Homer: Me in a nuclear power plant? (Laughs) Kaboom!
 • Rating: Unrated

(Picture on television goes haywire)
Bart: Hey, what gives?
Lisa: Dad! Do something!
Homer: Alright, alright. Time for Doctor TV to perform a little surgery! (Bangs on the TV and the picture gets worse.)
Bart: Looks like you lost the patient, Doc.
 • Rating: Unrated

Bart: Hey everybody, If you look real close, you can kinda make him out!
Homer: Hey yeah yeah! I think I can!
Marge: I think this is sick they're staring at a dot!
Homer: She's right! She's right! Oh I miss TV, dear God! Just give me one channel.
 • Rating: Unrated

Barney: Hey Homer! You're late for English!
Homer: Pff! English, who needs that? I'm never going to England! Come on. Let's go smoke.
 • Rating: Unrated

Teacher: Simpson! Be quiet!
Homer: I haven't seen you in school before...
Teacher: Okay Simpson! You just brought yourself another day of detention!
Homer: Maybe we should get together some time
Teacher: Two days!
Marge: I'm sorry, I don't even know your name!
Homer: I'm Homer
Teacher: Three days!
Homer: Jay
Teacher: Four days!
Homer: Simpson
Teacher: Five days!
Homer: It was worth it!
Teacher: Six days... Okay Simpson, to the back of the room!
 • Rating: Unrated

Artie Ziff: Hello classmates. Instead of voting for some athletic hero, or a pretty boy, you have elected me, your intellectual superior as your king. Good for you!
 • Rating: Unrated

Artie: Marge, I would appreciate it if you didn't tell anybody about my busy hands, not so much for myself, but I am so respected, It would damage the town to hear it.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

(Homer and Marge find out that they are pregnant)
Dr. Hibbert: Well, uh, Miss Bouvier, uh, I think we've found the reason you've been throwing up in the morning. (Reaches to shake Homer's hand.) Congratulations.
Homer: D'oh!
 • Rating: Unrated

Young Barney: Boy, you never stop eating and you don't gain a pound.
Young Homer: It's my metaba-ma-lism. I guess I'm just one of the lucky ones.
 • Rating: Unrated

Grampa: Oh, son, don't overreach. Go for the dented car, the dead-end job, the less attractive girl. I blame myself. I should have had this talk a long time ago.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Guidance Counselor: Do you have any plans for after graduation?
Young Homer: Me? I'm gonna drink a lot of beer and stay out all night!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Homer: You tutor? And anyone can be tooted?
 • Rating: Unrated

Marge: (Pinching her cheeks) Couldn't we just use rouge for this?
Mrs. Bouvier: Ladies pinch. Whores use rouge.
 • Rating: Unrated

Marge: When I got home I realized who I should have gone to the prom with.
Homer: Who? (Realizing) Oh.
Marge: My prom date.
Homer: Marge, pour vous.
Marge: Why so glum?
Homer: I've got a problem. As soon as you stop this car, I'm gonna hug you, and kiss you, and then I'll never be able to let you go! (Fade back to the present) And I never have...
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

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