The Simpsons

The Simpsons Season 2 Quotes (Page 8)

Season 2 Episode 12: "The Way We Was"

Grampa: What's the matter, boy?
Homer: Nothing.
Grampa: You haven't said boo all night and usually I have to wrestle the bucket out of your greasy mitts.
Homer: Dad, I'm in love.
Grandpa: Uh-oh. Why don't you grab yourself a beer, boy.
Homer: But, Dad, I don't drink.
Grandpa: Cut the crap! (Imitating Homer) I just collect the cans, Daddy! (Normal) Now, grab yourself a beer and get me one, too.
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: (to the kids) Do you two have to sit so close to the TV? Back up or it'll hurt your eyes.
Bart: Oh, it will not.
Homer: (Holding his fist up) Oh, yes, it will.
 • Rating: Unrated

Barney: Hi, Estelle, will you go to the prom with me?
Estelle: I wouldn't go to the prom with you if you were Elliot Gould.
Barney: Oh shot down again.
 • Rating: Unrated

Waiter: (to Homer) Steak or chicken?
Homer: One of each, please.
Barney: (running naked) Coming through!
Homer: Barney!!!
 • Rating: Unrated

(Principal Dondalinger catches Homer and Barney smoking in the bathroom.)
Dondalinger: Well, well, well. If it isn't Homer Simpson and Barney Gumble, Springfield's answer to "Cheech and Chong." Allow me, gentlemen. (Grabs their cigarettes and tosses them in the toilet.) You just bought yourselves three days of detention. You know where and when.
Homer and Barney: (In unison.) Three o'clock, old building, room 106.
 • Rating: Unrated

(At debate team practice, Homer and Artie Ziff hold a debate.)
Artie: Our current speed limit is an anachronism. The fatuity--
Homer: (Reading from a dictionary.) "Ignoramus."
Artie: --Will you shut up?
Homer: Wait a minute. That word you keep calling me?
Artie: Ignoramus?
Homer: Ignoramus! It means I'm stupid, doesn't it?
Artie: There is a difference between ignorance and stupidity.
Homer: Not to me, there isn't, you--
Mrs. Bloominstein: Homer?
Homer: --ignoramus!
Artie: You're the ignoramus.
Homer: No, you are!
Mrs. Bloominstein: Homer, would you like to present your rebuttal?
Homer: With pleasure. (Everyone gasps as Homer moons the class.)
 • Rating: Unrated

(In detention.)
Homer: So, uh, what are you in for?
Marge: I'm a political prisoner. (Muttering) Last time I ever take a stand.
Homer: Well, I'm in here for being me. Every day, I show up, act like me, and they slap me in here.
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: When I see you forming the vowels and continents . . .
Marge: Consonants.
 • Rating: Unrated

Estelle: Don't you think you deserve to earn as much as a man who does the same job?
Marge: Not if I have to do heavy lifting or math.
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 2 Episode 11: "One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish"

Homer: Ahem. This is a videotape for my daughter Maggie. Hi, Maggie! I'm speaking to you from beyond the grave. Woooooooo! Hee hee hee, hope that didn't scare you. Well, Maggie, you're grown-up now, and unless you taped over this, you're probably wondering what kind of man your father was. He was a simple man, a kind man, a gentle man who loved his children and- (Phone rings) D'oh! Hello! Yeah, he's here, who is this? (Scratches butt) Bart's friend Milhouse? Bart! Get your butt down here!
 • Rating: Unrated

Dr. Hibbert: Now, a little death anxiety is normal. You can expect to go through five stages. The first is denial.
Homer: No way! Because I'm not dying!
Dr. Hibbert: The second is anger.
Homer: Why you little!
Dr. Hibbert: After that comes fear.
Homer: What's after fear? What's after fear?
Dr. Hibbert: Bargaining.
Homer: Doc, you gotta get me out of this! I'll make it worth your while!
Dr. Hibbert: Finally, acceptance.
Homer: Well, we all gotta go sometime.
Dr. Hibbert: Mr. Simpson, your progress astounds me.
 • Rating: Unrated

(Homer, at the hospital after eating some poisoned blowfish.)
Homer: (Imitating Lisa) Try something new, Homer! What'll it hurt you, Homer? (Regular voice) I never heard of a poison pork chop!
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: If I said `no' the first time, what makes you think I'm going to say `yes' the second time?
Lisa: Nothing, but you may say `yes' the ninety-ninth time.
Homer: Oh? Try me.
Lisa: Please, Dad.
Homer: No.
Lisa: Please, Dad.
Homer: No.
Lisa: Please, Dad.
Homer: No.
Lisa: Please, Dad.
Homer: No.
Lisa: Please, Dad.
Homer: No.
Lisa: Please, Dad.
Homer: Oh, okay, okay.
 • Rating: Unrated

Chefs: (All yell in Japanese.)
Simpsons: Aaaah!
Waitress: Please, do not be alarmed, our chefs are just saying hello.
Homer: Oh, okay. Hello!
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: Poison? What should I do, what should I do? Tell me, quick.
Chef: Oh, no need to panic. There's a map to the hospital on the back of the menu.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dr. Hibbert: You have twenty-four hours to live.
Homer: Twenty-four hours!
Dr. Hibbert: Well, twenty-two. I'm sorry I kept you waiting so long.
 • Rating: Unrated

Moe: Hello, Moe's Tavern. Birthplace of the Rob Roy.
Bart: Is Seymour there? Last name Butts.
Moe: Just a sec. Hey, is there a Butts here? A Seymour Butts? Hey, everybody, I wanna Seymour Butts! Wait a minute... Listen, you little scum-sucking pus-bucket! When I get my hands on you, I'm gonna pull out your eyeballs with a corkscrew!
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: Goodbye, Maggie. Stay as sweet as you are. Goodbye, Lisa. I know you'll make me proud. Goodbye, Bart. ... I like your sheets.
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: What are you getting at?
Lisa: Well, you're always trying to teach me to be open-minded, try new things, live life to the
Homer: What are you talking about? Nobody's trying to teach you that!
 • Rating: Unrated

Marge: Tomorrow night, it might be nice to go out for dinner.
Homer: Tomorrow night? Friday? Pork chop night? Marge! We haven't missed pork chop night since the great pig scare in '87!
 • Rating: Unrated

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