The Simpsons

The Simpsons Season 20 Quotes (Page 2)

Season 20 Episode 16: "Eeny Teeny Maya Moe"

Moe: You gotta make me shorter, Doc.
Dr. Hibbert: (laughs) What do you mean?
Moe: I mean take out bones, guts, whatever you gotta do to make me a micro Moe.
Dr. Hibbert: What your asking is completely unethical. No licensed physician would preform that operation.
(Cut to Dr. Nick about to put the anesthesia mask on Moe)
Dr. Nick: Now close your eyes and when you wake up you will be a woman.
Moe: No, no, no, no, no! I-I wanna be shorter, for a woman.
Dr. Nick: Uh oh. I mixed you up with the last guy.
(A shortened Mr. Largo walks in)
Mr. Largo: (screams) I look nothing like Julie Newmar!
 • Rating: Unrated

Moe: (answers phone) Moe's rat-free tavern. Oh, uh, hey, Marge. Yeah, yeah Homer's here.
(Homer gestures "no")
Moe: Oh, oh you want Homer! Oh, I'm sorry I thought you meant "Himmler." Heinrich Himmler. You know, the guy who invented the "Heimlich Manure?"
Marge: Those are two different people!
Moe: Yeah, well, they're both here and neither one is your husband. This press conference is over. (hangs up)
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 20 Episode 15: "Wedding for Disaster"

Homer: Marge, maybe you need to take a break from Wedding Planning. I think your becoming a... Bridezilla!
Marge: Bridezilla? (gasps) A combination of Bride and Godzilla!?
 • Rating: Unrated

(Picking out a Tuxedo for Bart. He doesn't look pleased with his puffy shirt tuxedo.)
Bart: (frowning) Isn't this shirt kinda gay?
Clerk: Last time I checked, pirates weren't gay.
Homer: Eww, how'd you check?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Helen Lovejoy: Oh, Tim, calm down, he's just your old roomate from Texas Christian.
Reverend Lovejoy: He's like the Pope of this thing!! It would be like Mary Kay, visiting you, when you sold her cosmetics. That is if you had, stuck with it.
Helen Lovejoy: You asked me to quit, because I was making more then you.
 • Rating: Unrated

Marge: (to waiters) Put down two basket's of bread, but only one plate of butter. That will stimulate conversation.
Homer: What if we....?
Marge: (growls) There is no we in Wedding!
Homer: But there is Marge, the first two letters.
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 20 Episode 14: "In the Name of the Grandfather"

Irish Policeman #1: So, it's a smoke-easy you're running then?
Homer: Uh-oh! (tries to flee with Grampa)
Irish Policeman #2: Toots! It's escaping you're thinking of then?
Homer: I can't tell if those are questions or statements!
Irish Policeman #1: So, it's our syntax you're criticizin' then?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

(After Homer opens a shipping crate)
Grampa: Moe?! You shipped yourself here?
Moe: No, it's how you fly coach on Delta now.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 20 Episode 13: "Gone Maggie Gone"

Nun: (singing to babies) If you're happy and you know it, that's a sin! If you're happy and you know it, that's a sin!
 • Rating: 4.3 / 5.0

Kent Brockman: Today, Springfield will experience a rare total eclipse of the sun. A solar eclipse is like a woman breast-feeding in a restaurant. It's free, it's beautiful, but under no circumstances should you look at it. We recommend using a homemade "camera obscura", fashioned from an ordinary shoebox and paper towel tube.
(Kent reaches under his desk and pulls out an unmade camera obscura)
Kent Brockman: (fuming) This... was supposed to be pre-made. Fine, I'll do it myself. Where's the end of the frickin' tape?! Forget it! We'll do it next week!
Cameraman: (off-screen) The eclipse is today.
Kent Brockman: (shouting) There's an eclipse when I say there's an eclipse!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

(Homer places Maggie on the steps of a convent.)
Homer: Now I need to leave you where you'll be safe: Under the watchful eyes of God. And I'll be watching you too, in case God's busy making tornadoes or not existing.
 • Rating: Unrated

(Arguing about Homer leaving Maggie on the steps of the convent and wanting to take her back.)
Homer: Oh come on, I bet your husband does stupid stuff all the time!
Nun: (angrily) I'm married to Jesus!
Homer: Yeah, and I'm married to Wonder Woman...
 • Rating: Unrated

Mr. Burns: Well well, if it isn't the Tardy Boys and Nancy Clueless!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

(As Homer goes careening off the Bridge)
Homer: AHHHH! WHY DID I BRING THE BABY AND THE DOG TO THE POISON STORRRRREEEE!!?
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 20 Episode 12: "No Loan Again, Naturally"

Ned: Homer Simpson, I show you pity, and how do you repay me? With a kick in the kididdlehopper!
Homer: (laughs) "Kididdlehopper"!
Ned: That's not funny, it's how I swear!
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 20 Episode 11: "How the Test Was Won"

Lisa: Dad, Bart's throwing away his future!
Homer: Oh, no! Now who will sell oranges on the off-ramp!? (laughs)
 • Rating: Unrated

Bart: I can't believe we have to start another year at school. I never learned anything at that suck shack.
Homer: Hey! Who taught you language like that?
Bart: Kid at school.
Homer: So you did learn something!
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 20 Episode 10: "Take My Life, Please"

Homer: Oh, I get it, you're all going to try to convince me that my life is great just like it is, right?
Lisa: Are you kidding? We couldn't even convince you that Bruce Wayne is Batman.
Homer: Oh, come on, that billionaire playboy. He's too busy socializing at cocktail parties and managing the affairs of the Wayne foundation
Marge: (whispering) Don't open this one again.
Lisa: Why does he think Alfred is friends with Batman?
Marge: Just stop.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

(After it's learned in Homer's alternate reality that he and Marge wouldn't have Bart, Lisa, and Maggie.)
Marge: Well that's what's missing. Our lives would be horrible without the kids.
Homer: Uh, yeah, that must be it. This is the best of all possible worlds. Blah, blah, blah and--I wanna live in the sauce!
(He jumps into the sauce pot, the Sauce Chef pulls him out.)
Sauce Chef: If you could live in the sauce, don't you think I would live in the sauce?! Stupid!
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 20 Episode 9: "Lisa the Drama Queen"

Lisa: I need some candy for our first playdate, but I don't want to come on too strong.
Bart: M&M's?
Lisa: Well, if I pick plain she'll think I'm cheap, and if I pick peanut, she may have an allergy. You just killed her, Bart!
Bart: How about Charleston Chew?
Lisa: What is this, Brooklyn in the fifties? Don't just say stuff.
Bart: You asked for my help, then you don't want it.
Apu: Excuse me, but why not consider an Almond Joy? It looks like you only brought something for yourself, but then you just happen to have two pieces.
Lisa: Finally, a real suggestion!
Bart: If she doesn't like coconut, you're screwed!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

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