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The-simpsons

I am so tired of fans in my food.

Alaska Nebraska

Wow, your first day at the new school! Lisa, have fun. Bart, don't!

Marge

Marge: Please, just stay there until Bart graduates from high school.
Homer: Ohhh, that's another 20 or 30 years!

Jenny: Are you saying our entire relationship is based on lies?
Bart: Not our entire relationship. Just the stuff I said.

Ned Flanders: Reverend, would you like to try some of my devil's food cake?
Reverend Lovejoy: Is that really devil's food?
Ned Flanders: No, it's angel's food with chocolate on top.
Reverend Lovejoy: Mmm-hmmm, I thought so.

Oh, Bart. I don't care that this is just an act. You've finally become the boy every mother dreams of--A girl!

Marge

Bart: (crying) I can't believe Jenny dumped me.
Homer: Now, now, boy. Girls come and go, but you'll always have your family.
Bart: Ahhhh! (starts sobbing loudly)
Homer: (also starts sobbing) You're right! You're right!

Moe: (answers phone) Moe's rat-free tavern. Oh, uh, hey, Marge. Yeah, yeah Homer's here.
(Homer gestures "no")
Moe: Oh, oh you want Homer! Oh, I'm sorry I thought you meant "Himmler." Heinrich Himmler. You know, the guy who invented the "Heimlich Manure?"
Marge: Those are two different people!
Moe: Yeah, well, they're both here and neither one is your husband. This press conference is over. (hangs up)

Moe: You gotta make me shorter, Doc.
Dr. Hibbert: (laughs) What do you mean?
Moe: I mean take out bones, guts, whatever you gotta do to make me a micro Moe.
Dr. Hibbert: What your asking is completely unethical. No licensed physician would preform that operation.
(Cut to Dr. Nick about to put the anesthesia mask on Moe)
Dr. Nick: Now close your eyes and when you wake up you will be a woman.
Moe: No, no, no, no, no! I-I wanna be shorter, for a woman.
Dr. Nick: Uh oh. I mixed you up with the last guy.
(A shortened Mr. Largo walks in)
Mr. Largo: (screams) I look nothing like Julie Newmar!

Homer: Marge, maybe you need to take a break from Wedding Planning. I think your becoming a... Bridezilla!
Marge: Bridezilla? (gasps) A combination of Bride and Godzilla!?

(Picking out a Tuxedo for Bart. He doesn't look pleased with his puffy shirt tuxedo.)
Bart: (frowning) Isn't this shirt kinda gay?
Clerk: Last time I checked, pirates weren't gay.
Homer: Eww, how'd you check?

Helen Lovejoy: Oh, Tim, calm down, he's just your old roomate from Texas Christian.
Reverend Lovejoy: He's like the Pope of this thing!! It would be like Mary Kay, visiting you, when you sold her cosmetics. That is if you had, stuck with it.
Helen Lovejoy: You asked me to quit, because I was making more then you.

Displaying quotes 13 - 24 of 99 in total

The Simpsons Season 20 Quotes

Lisa: Dad, we have to do something all the bees are dying!
Homer: (sarcastically) Oh, no! No bees! Ooh, now who will sting me and walk all over my sandwiches?
Lisa: But, Dad! Bees pollinate flowers.
Homer: Pfft. Flowers, the painted whores of the plant world.

(After Homer shows Lisa the hive containing the new hybrid bees he and Moe had created)
Lisa: They sound awfully mad. Are they dangerous?
Homer: Hmm, I'm not sure. Let me check. (Lifts the lid of the hive) Are you guys dangerous? (The bees fly out of the hive and knock Homer down) A simple "Yes" would've sufficed!

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