The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXThe Simpsons Season 20 Quotes
Marge: (to waiters) Put down two basket's of bread, but only one plate of butter. That will stimulate conversation.
Homer: What if we....?
Marge: (growls) There is no we in Wedding!
Homer: But there is Marge, the first two letters.
(After Homer opens a shipping crate)
Grampa: Moe?! You shipped yourself here?
Moe: No, it's how you fly coach on Delta now.
Irish Policeman #1: So, it's a smoke-easy you're running then?
Homer: Uh-oh! (tries to flee with Grampa)
Irish Policeman #2: Toots! It's escaping you're thinking of then?
Homer: I can't tell if those are questions or statements!
Irish Policeman #1: So, it's our syntax you're criticizin' then?
Well well, if it isn't the Tardy Boys and Nancy Clueless!
Mr. Burns
(Homer places Maggie on the steps of a convent.)
Homer: Now I need to leave you where you'll be safe: Under the watchful eyes of God. And I'll be watching you too, in case God's busy making tornadoes or not existing.
Kent Brockman: Today, Springfield will experience a rare total eclipse of the sun. A solar eclipse is like a woman breast-feeding in a restaurant. It's free, it's beautiful, but under no circumstances should you look at it. We recommend using a homemade "camera obscura", fashioned from an ordinary shoebox and paper towel tube.
(Kent reaches under his desk and pulls out an unmade camera obscura)
Kent Brockman: (fuming) This... was supposed to be pre-made. Fine, I'll do it myself. Where's the end of the frickin' tape?! Forget it! We'll do it next week!
Cameraman: (off-screen) The eclipse is today.
Kent Brockman: (shouting) There's an eclipse when I say there's an eclipse!
(singing to babies) If you're happy and you know it, that's a sin! If you're happy and you know it, that's a sin!
Nun
AHHHH! WHY DID I BRING THE BABY AND THE DOG TO THE POISON STORRRRREEEE!!?
Homer
(Arguing about Homer leaving Maggie on the steps of the convent and wanting to take her back.)
Homer: Oh come on, I bet your husband does stupid stuff all the time!
Nun: (angrily) I'm married to Jesus!
Homer: Yeah, and I'm married to Wonder Woman...
Ned: Homer Simpson, I show you pity, and how do you repay me? With a kick in the kididdlehopper!
Homer: (laughs) "Kididdlehopper"!
Ned: That's not funny, it's how I swear!
Bart: I can't believe we have to start another year at school. I never learned anything at that suck shack.
Homer: Hey! Who taught you language like that?
Bart: Kid at school.
Homer: So you did learn something!
Lisa: Dad, Bart's throwing away his future!
Homer: Oh, no! Now who will sell oranges on the off-ramp!? (laughs)
