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The-simpsons

Oh, Bart. I don't care that this is just an act. You've finally become the boy every mother dreams of--A girl!

Marge

Moe: (answers phone) Moe's rat-free tavern. Oh, uh, hey, Marge. Yeah, yeah Homer's here.
(Homer gestures "no")
Moe: Oh, oh you want Homer! Oh, I'm sorry I thought you meant "Himmler." Heinrich Himmler. You know, the guy who invented the "Heimlich Manure?"
Marge: Those are two different people!
Moe: Yeah, well, they're both here and neither one is your husband. This press conference is over. (hangs up)

Moe: You gotta make me shorter, Doc.
Dr. Hibbert: (laughs) What do you mean?
Moe: I mean take out bones, guts, whatever you gotta do to make me a micro Moe.
Dr. Hibbert: What your asking is completely unethical. No licensed physician would preform that operation.
(Cut to Dr. Nick about to put the anesthesia mask on Moe)
Dr. Nick: Now close your eyes and when you wake up you will be a woman.
Moe: No, no, no, no, no! I-I wanna be shorter, for a woman.
Dr. Nick: Uh oh. I mixed you up with the last guy.
(A shortened Mr. Largo walks in)
Mr. Largo: (screams) I look nothing like Julie Newmar!

Homer: Marge, maybe you need to take a break from Wedding Planning. I think your becoming a... Bridezilla!
Marge: Bridezilla? (gasps) A combination of Bride and Godzilla!?

Helen Lovejoy: Oh, Tim, calm down, he's just your old roomate from Texas Christian.
Reverend Lovejoy: He's like the Pope of this thing!! It would be like Mary Kay, visiting you, when you sold her cosmetics. That is if you had, stuck with it.
Helen Lovejoy: You asked me to quit, because I was making more then you.

(Picking out a Tuxedo for Bart. He doesn't look pleased with his puffy shirt tuxedo.)
Bart: (frowning) Isn't this shirt kinda gay?
Clerk: Last time I checked, pirates weren't gay.
Homer: Eww, how'd you check?

Marge: (to waiters) Put down two basket's of bread, but only one plate of butter. That will stimulate conversation.
Homer: What if we....?
Marge: (growls) There is no we in Wedding!
Homer: But there is Marge, the first two letters.

Irish Policeman #1: So, it's a smoke-easy you're running then?
Homer: Uh-oh! (tries to flee with Grampa)
Irish Policeman #2: Toots! It's escaping you're thinking of then?
Homer: I can't tell if those are questions or statements!
Irish Policeman #1: So, it's our syntax you're criticizin' then?

(After Homer opens a shipping crate)
Grampa: Moe?! You shipped yourself here?
Moe: No, it's how you fly coach on Delta now.

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