The Simpsons

The Simpsons Season 20 Quotes (Page 4)

Season 20 Episode 6: "Homer and Lisa Exchange Cross Words"

Superintendent Chalmers: I'm a bit of a crossword head myself. They help me relax after a day of having to deal with... Skinner!
Principal Skinner: You called?
Superintendent Chalmers: Made reference.
Principal Skinner: My mistake.
 • Rating: Unrated

Lisa: Guess what, mom? I'm a cruciverbalist!
Marge: Oh, Lisa, another religion? You know, you'll just drop the whole thing at college when you get a Jewish boyfriend.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Homer: Sweetie, will you please look at daddy!
Lisa: You stopped being my daddy when you bet against me! All I have now is a mom. That's why I'm taking her maiden name. So from now on, my name is Lisa Bouvier!
(Homer gasps)
Nelson: Hey, Mr. S. Lisa B.
Homer: Nooo!
Girl: Would you like to buy some band candy?
Homer: Yeees!
 • Rating: Unrated

(After Lisa loses the crossword puzzle tournament)
Lisa: Oh, I blew it again.
Homer: She blew it again! Woo-Hoo!
(The bartender approaches Homer with a large tray of money)
Bartender: (Disdainfully) Here's your money, soaked in your daughter's tears.
Homer: You know for a bartender-bookie, you're awfully judgmental.
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 20 Episode 5: "Dangerous Curves"

Marge: Let's pick up those hitch-hikers. They don't look like the stabby kind.
Lisa: Mom, you said all hitch-hikers were drug-crazed thrill seekers.
Marge: I said they were thrill-crazed drug seekers. Don't put words in my mouth.
 • Rating: Unrated

Bart: A log cabin? What am I, Davy Crockett? Also, who's Davy Crockett?
 • Rating: Unrated

Marge: I can't believe one of the most beautiful moments in our marriage is based on lies!
Homer: You're just as bad as me, and you used to be better, so that makes you worse!
 • Rating: Unrated

(Bart enjoys his Cereal Killer video game)
Bart: I'm cuckoo for killing stuff!
 • Rating: Unrated

(Alberto and Marge arrive at a motel)
Alberto: (to Marge) I see the word "vacancy" is lit, and the word "no" is not. Let us pray the "no" is not broken, huh?
 • Rating: Unrated

(Marge and Homer are kissing in the back of the peddle car)
Bart: Knock it off back there!
Homer: But we're married!
Bart: Ok, but keep it PG.
Homer: How about R?
Bart: PG-13.
Homer: Woohoo! Adult situations!
(Marge and Homer continue kissing)
 • Rating: Unrated

Patty: I can't believe Homer ruined another family barbecue.
Homer: (offended) Hey! Everybody pees in the pool!
Patty: Not from the diving board!
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: How many times must I say I'm sorry?
Marge: You haven't said you're sorry.
Homer: I know. I was hoping the number would be zero.
 • Rating: Unrated

Sylvia: My horoscope told me I would meet the man of my dreams today.
Homer: Well, a horoscope wouldn't lie to a pretty girl like you.
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 20 Episode 4: "Treehouse of Horror XIX"

(Homer is being sucked into the possessed voting machine during the opener.)
Homer: This doesn't happen in America! Maybe in Ohio--but not America!
 • Rating: Unrated

(From "It's the Grand Pumpkin, Milhouse")
Millhouse: Who wants to sing pumpkin carols?!
Nelson: I got a pumpkin carol for you! (clears throat, singing to the tune of "We Wish You a Merry Christmas") You are such a stupid moron! It makes people want to punch you! The Grand Pumpkin's super gaaaaaay! Punch, punch, punch, punch, wedgie!
(Nelson gives Milhouse four punches and a wedgie)
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Chief Wiggum: (after getting shot) I always thought I'd die of hepatitis!
 • Rating: Unrated

(After several appliances transform into robots in the kitchen)
Homer: Hmmm. Is there something different about the kitchen?
Robots: (speaking together and waving their hands) No, no, no, no, no.
(The toaster transforms into the word "NO")
Homer: Well, the toaster's never lied to me before.
 • Rating: Unrated

Nelson: Touch me and I'll cut your friend.
The Grand Pumpkin: What do I care? That's a yellow pumpkin.
Nelson: You're a racist!
The Grand Pumpkin: All pumpkins are racist. The difference is that I admit it. (starts eating Nelson)
Nelson: I'd rather die than hate!
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 20 Episode 3: "Double, Double, Boy in Trouble"

Homer: You just cost me $200,000!
Bart: I thought it was 50.
Homer: I was gonna bet it on the dogs!
 • Rating: Unrated

(Bart marvels at the things in Simon's bedroom.)
Bart: Wow, cool poster of Joe Montana.
Joe Montana: (steps out of the wall) It's not a poster.
(Bart screams)
Joe Montana: I'm the real deal. Every day I stand here the family donates a million dollars to Notre Dame. Did you know the words "Notre Dame" are French, but the team is the Fighting Irish? That's the kind of thing I think about in here.
Bart: Back in the poster, gabby.
Joe Montana: Yes, sir.
 • Rating: Unrated

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