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The-simpsons

Well well, if it isn't the Tardy Boys and Nancy Clueless!

Mr. Burns

Kent Brockman: Today, Springfield will experience a rare total eclipse of the sun. A solar eclipse is like a woman breast-feeding in a restaurant. It's free, it's beautiful, but under no circumstances should you look at it. We recommend using a homemade "camera obscura", fashioned from an ordinary shoebox and paper towel tube.
(Kent reaches under his desk and pulls out an unmade camera obscura)
Kent Brockman: (fuming) This... was supposed to be pre-made. Fine, I'll do it myself. Where's the end of the frickin' tape?! Forget it! We'll do it next week!
Cameraman: (off-screen) The eclipse is today.
Kent Brockman: (shouting) There's an eclipse when I say there's an eclipse!

AHHHH! WHY DID I BRING THE BABY AND THE DOG TO THE POISON STORRRRREEEE!!?

Homer

(Arguing about Homer leaving Maggie on the steps of the convent and wanting to take her back.)
Homer: Oh come on, I bet your husband does stupid stuff all the time!
Nun: (angrily) I'm married to Jesus!
Homer: Yeah, and I'm married to Wonder Woman...

(Homer places Maggie on the steps of a convent.)
Homer: Now I need to leave you where you'll be safe: Under the watchful eyes of God. And I'll be watching you too, in case God's busy making tornadoes or not existing.

(singing to babies) If you're happy and you know it, that's a sin! If you're happy and you know it, that's a sin!

Nun

Ned: Homer Simpson, I show you pity, and how do you repay me? With a kick in the kididdlehopper!
Homer: (laughs) "Kididdlehopper"!
Ned: That's not funny, it's how I swear!

Bart: I can't believe we have to start another year at school. I never learned anything at that suck shack.
Homer: Hey! Who taught you language like that?
Bart: Kid at school.
Homer: So you did learn something!

Lisa: Dad, Bart's throwing away his future!
Homer: Oh, no! Now who will sell oranges on the off-ramp!? (laughs)

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