Marge: Ice skating, a sport that encourages hand holding.
Homer: Would you like to wear mittens or go commando?

• Permalink: Ice skating, a sport that encourages hand holding. Would you l...
• Added: February 15, 2010

Lenny: Date night, it's the embalming fluid that keeps the mummy of a marriage fresh after the heart and brain have been pulled out through the nose.
Carl: I never should have given you that Egyptology book.

• Permalink: Date night, it's the embalming fluid that keeps the mummy of a m...
• Added: February 15, 2010

These cookies are on the up and up according to the only hoest newspaper, The Beijing Worker.

Carl

• Permalink: These cookies are on the up and up according to the only hoest n...
• Added: February 04, 2010

When I grow up, you can buy an apartment building and make me a super.

Bart

• Permalink: When I grow up, you can buy an apartment building and make me a ...
• Added: February 01, 2010

Something you lost will soon turn up. My faith in the Lord! It came back!

Carl

• Permalink: Something you lost will soon turn up. My faith in the Lord! It c...
• Added: February 01, 2010

If I was interested in fun, I would have ran the day you were born.

Homer [to Bart]

• Permalink: If I was interested in fun, I would have ran the day you were bo...
• Added: January 31, 2010

Homer: What should I buy first, a mirror that gives me advice or Hitler's baseball?
Mirror: My advice is to buy Hitler's baseball.

• Permalink: What should I buy first, a mirror that gives me advice or Hitler...
• Added: January 31, 2010

Let him go Lou, someone going that fast has no time for a ticket.

Chief Wiggum

• Permalink: Let him go Lou, someone going that fast has no time for a ticket...
• Added: January 31, 2010

Any part of a cookie you can't eat is a waste of time.

Homer [about fortune cookies]

• Permalink: Any part of a cookie you can't eat is a waste of time.
• Added: January 31, 2010

Wait, I'm shooting at nazis? That's not how I remember it.

Mr. Burns

• Permalink: Wait, I'm shooting at nazis? That's not how I remember it.
• Added: January 31, 2010

Bart: Who the hell says pota-toe?
Homer: Song writers who are stuck for lyrics.

• Permalink: Who the hell says pota-toe? Song writers who are stuck for lyr...
• Added: January 31, 2010

Friends, loved ones, we are gathered here to marry a Jew and a ... congregationalist... is that even a thing? Now, let's continue with this mockery.

Rabbi

• Permalink: Friends, loved ones, we are gathered here to marry a Jew and a ....
• Added: January 11, 2010