Wow I've never seen a mobster use a track suit for exercising.


Lunch lady: You know this is made from rancid pigeons?
Homer: Just get the ladle down there deep. That's where the beaks are.

Poor Tony. He didn't deserve this. He was just a solider in a war he started.


To heterosexual male friendship. The kind the ancient Greeks wrote about.

Fat Tony

Eh it was either this or put in a ladies' room.


If Jews control the media, why can't I get on Jimmy Kimmel?


Ugh, I don't even want to smell sparkling apple juice again.


I didn't get anybody pregnant. I didn't Facebook a kid to death. Make with my dirt bike!


Someday, TV will be invented. And it will be free! Then it will cost money.


This tree reminds me of your father. Round in the middle, thinning up top and your hands get sticky when you touch him.


Kid, this company's bust. For years I've been giving away free toys and getting cookies in return. It's not a sustainable business model.

Krusty [as Santa]

I'm sure in the 25 years of Earth time you've been gone, your parents have been worried.


The Simpsons Season 22 Quotes

Lisa: Quiet. It's time for the noblest Nobel Prize of all.. the Peace Prize.
Homer: I would kill for that!

Homer: It's 4 am, you kids should have been in bed a half hour ago.
Lisa: We're watching the Nobel Prize announcement lives from Stockholm.
Homer: Ooh, the Nobies.