The Simpsons

The Simpsons Season 22 Quotes (Page 2)

Season 22 Episode 20: "Homer Scissorhands"

Julio: First five customers get a discount, next five get to hear secrets from the first five.
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: Like Mozart and Johnny Knoxville, my genius can not be stopped.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Bart: It's one of those unsolved mysteries, like how do my clothes get cleaned and get back in my dresser?
 • Rating: Unrated

Principal Skinner: That theremin has paid for itself time and time again.
 • Rating: Unrated

Marge: Newsweek magazine did say it's good to change careers... right after they laid off all their editors.
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: I'm not a hairdresser. I just put a new lid on a couple of trash cans.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Grampa: You two look good - open casket good.
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: Put a James Taylor CD in the stereo so they think it was a suicide.
 • Rating: Unrated

Lisa: You're gonna regret the day you were born.
Bart: I already do, it's too close to Christmas.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 22 Episode 19: "The Real Housewives of Fat Tony"

Marge: In a good marriage you never say, "I told you so."
Homer: Which is good for me because you're always right.
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: He's cheating on Selma? Why go out for hamburger when you have rancid steak at home?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Tushy: every light in the house is a tanning light.
Marge: can you read by it?
Tushy: no one's ever tried.
 • Rating: Unrated

Marge: The only husband of Selma's I ever liked was Disco Stu. He was so upbeat until he found out she didn't like disco music.
 • Rating: Unrated

Marge: He's mad about a sport result.
Homer: Lousy St. Louis Cardinals can't win the 1985 World Series on classic sports.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Comic Book Guy: How do you know the bride?
Marge: I'm her sister, you?
Comic Book Guy: I bought her ping pong table off cragislist. Color yourself slighted.
 • Rating: Unrated

Fat Tony: Call that doctor that owes us a favor.
Louise: Actually we owe him a favor
Fat Tony: Do him two favors and then remind him that he owes us a favor.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Bart: Only you can make tree poop boring.
 • Rating: Unrated

Louie: We had a safe full of gold and it didn't ride that low.
 • Rating: Unrated

Lisa: Aunt Selma is treating a mob boss like an ordinary tax payer!
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: Aww, I was standing in this line to use the bathroom, but now my license is expired.
 • Rating: Unrated

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