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The-simpsons

When a guy who loves america cries, it makes him super straight.

Lenny

The hot dogs spin counter clockwise in fear when you arrive.

Apu

They know I'm doing a character. Like Stephen Colbert or Newt Gingrich.

Homer

Homer: Do you really need all these Kurt Vonnegut novels?
Lisa: "They self-reference each other!"

I've been acting like a 10 year old the last 30 years, but I swear i'm going to grow up and act 20 like a divorced 40 year old should.

Bart

Bloody harry. he brought back beheading in a big way.

My daughter thinks I'm a ruthless tyrant like Hitler or Prince Harry. Homer

Lisa: Sometimes i wish strangling your kid was still legal.
Marge: Not since they passed Homer's Law.

I just like to dress up to eat carrots and smoke.

Homer

Homer: How would you like to have future sex?
Marge: Why do you say future this is now?
Homer: I meant a week from tomorrow. That's when the new penis gets here.

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