The Simpsons

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The simpsons
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And all the movies are over a year old. It's like those parodies were written when the movies came out, but it took so long to animate them that we look dated and hackey.

Krusty

Jimbo: Your fists are sisters?
Dolph: Yeah, Pocahontas and Sacagawea!
Bart: Nice save.

Take us out first. Anyone can start a family. These days no one can find a job.

Mr. Burns

I'll get one those jobs where you don't need to read. Like french fry maker or general.

Bart

Homer: Can you be my dad?
Robert: If your mom was a secretary, there's a good chance I am.

Robert: There ain't enough bourbon in kentucky for you big guy.
Homer: Yeah, the governor wrote me a letter to that effect.

Robert: I have to warn you, account men have no souls.
Homer: Woohoo! No more church!

In two weeks the only tie I'll be wearing will be for auto asphyxiation.

Robert Marlow

Why can't i be funny with just my words? Bill Maher doesn't put dangerous things near his crotch. Except when he's off work.

Krusty

I wanna go back inside mommy.

Ralph

Homer: It's not illegal to sleep inside a tyrannosaurus head.
Security Guard: Sir, you're inside an allosaurus.
Homer: I demand to speak to my paleontologist.

I heisted myself to the bestseller list once again. And the most brilliant part is I don't even know how to read.

Nail Gaiman
Displaying quotes 73 - 84 of 129 in total

The Simpsons Season 23 Quotes

I guess it's not much when you look at real problems in the world like Major League umpires not using instant replay.

Homer

What's what the new security guard? He's acting all aloof. By the way, that's my word now - "he's."

Carl