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(Answers phone) Uh, no you've got the wrong number. This is 9-1... 2.Wiggum
- Permalink: Uh, no you've got the wrong number. This is 9-1... 2.
What makes a man endanger his job, and, yes, even his life, by asking me for money?Mr. Burns
- Permalink: What makes a man endanger his job, and, yes, even his life, by a...
Marge: Homie, did you close the gate?
Homer: Yes. (Gate thumps loudly) Oh, you mean tonight.
- Permalink: Homie, did you close the gate? Yes. Oh, you mean tonight.
Smithers: People like dogs, Mr. Burns.
Burns: Nonsense, dogs are idiots. Think about it Smithers, if I came into your room and started sniffing at your crotch and slobbering all over your face, what would you say?
Smithers: Umm...if you did it, sir?
- Permalink: People like dogs, Mr. Burns. Nonsense, dogs are idiots. Think ...
Marge: Even if he has passed on, there's no reason to cry. Remember Doggie Heaven?
Homer: Oh, Marge, there is no such place!
Marge: (Clears throat, indicating Bart and Lisa)
Homer: Or, to put it another way, there is.
- Permalink: Even if he has passed on, there's no reason to cry. Remember Dog...
Homer: I want to tell you about the most wonderful place in the world: Doggie Heaven. In Doggie Heaven, there are mountains of bones, and you can't turn around without sniffing another dog's butt! And all the best dogs are there, Old Yeller, and about eight Lassies.
Bart: Is there a Doggie Hell?
Homer: Well of course, there couldn't be a heaven if there weren't a hell.
Bart: Who's in there?
Homer: Oh, uh Hitler's dog and that dog Nixon had, what's his name, um, Chester
Homer: Yeah! One of the Lassies is in there, too. The mean one! The one who mauled Timmy!
- Permalink: Doggie Heaven. In Doggie Heaven, there are mountains of bones, a...
Homer: I wanna pet him again!
Marge: You can pet the cat.
Homer: The cat? What's the point?
- Permalink: I wanna pet him again! You can pet the cat. The cat? What's ...
Veterinarian: This is the part of the job I hate the most. (Tosses hampster into trashcan with mini-basketball hoop)
Homer: Hey, you did the best you could.
Veterinarian: I love animals. I spend my life saving them and they can't thank me. Well, the parrots can. Let's see what's wrong with this one.
- Permalink: This is the part of the job I hate the most. Hey, you did th...
Bart: (after Homer explains about Doggie Heaven) Hey, wait a minute. Does this have to do anything with Santa's Little Helper?
Marge: Oh, honey, seven hundred and fifty dollars is a lot of money. We really can't afford this operation.
Bart: You're gonna just let him die?
Marge: I know you're upset.
Bart: Darn right, I'm upset!
Marge: Bart! Watch your language! Oh, you did. Sorry.
Bart: I'm not gonna let our dog die and that's it! (leaves the kitchen and mumbles to himself)
- Permalink: Hey, wait a minute. Does this have to do anything with Santa's L...
Homer: (about Santa's Little Helper) Aw, how come he gets meat and we don't?
Marge: You wouldn't want what he's eating, it's mostly just snouts and entrails.
Homer: Mmmm, snouts.
- Permalink: Aw, how come he gets meat and we don't? You wouldn't want what...
Principal Skinner: Some sick individual has stolen every "Teacher's Edition!"
Teacher: What do we do?
Mrs. Krabappel: Declare a snow day!
Teacher #2: Does anyone know the multiplication table?
- Permalink: Some sick individual has stolen every Teacher's Edition! What ...
Miss Hoover: Now sprinkle your sparkles on your paste. Lisa, you're not sprinkling your sparkles.
Lisa: Shove it.
- Permalink: Now sprinkle your sparkles on your paste. Lisa, you're not sprin...