Don't you worry about your wee fish, lass. They're goin' to a better place.
(flushes them down the toilet)

Willy

Lisa: And any time I hear the wind blow, it will whisper the name: Edna.
Marge: Oh, that's very good, Lisa!
Homer: P.S. I am gay.

Truly, yours is a butt that won't quit.

Woodrow

Ned: I'm talking about your potty-mouth.
Homer: What the hell are you talking about?

Damn crappy nails! Superglue my butt!

Homer

Jimmy: Hey, what gives?
Jimmy's Dad: You said you wanted to live in a world without zinc Jimmy. Well now your car has no battery.
Jimmy: But I promised Betty I'd pick her up by 6:00. I better give her a call.
Jimmy's Dad: Sorry Jimmy. Without zinc for the rotary mechanism, there are no telephones.
Jimmy: Dear God! What have I done?
(Jimmy pulls out a gun and points it to his head and fires)
Jimmy's Dad: Think again Jimmy. You see the firing pin in your gun was made out ofyepzinc.
Jimmy: Come back zinc, Come Back!!

Ned: Is this all he watches?
Maude: Well, he used to watch Davey and Goliath, but he thought the idea of a talking dog was blasphemous.

Maude: Todd, would you like some mixed vegetables?
Todd: Hell no.
(Everyone gasps)
Maude: What did you say?
Todd: I said I don't want any damn vegetables.
Ned: Alright, that is it young man. No bible stories for you tonight.
(Todd runs to his room crying)
Maude: Weren't you a little hard on him?
Ned: Well, you knew I had a temper when you married me.

Ned: Sorry to bother you, Reverend Lovejoy, but I'm kind of in a tizzy. My son Todd just told us he didn't want to eat his damn vegetables.
Lovejoy: Well, you know kids and vegetables. What was it, asparagus?
Ned: No, Reverend, the point is, he said a bad word!
Lovejoy: Oh, right, yeah. Well, kids usually pick these things stuff up from someplace. Find out who's doing it anddirect them to the Bible.
Ned: Where in the Bible?
Lovejoy: UhPage 900.
Ned: But Rev-- (Lovejoy hangs up)
Lovejoy: Damn Flanders.

(Homer tries helping the family write a letter to Mrs. Krabappel from Woodrow, informing her that he is leaving town.)
Homer: Three simple words: I, Am, Gay.
Marge: Homer, for the last time, I'm not putting that in!

Bingo bango, sugar in the gas tank. The ex-husband strikes again.

Mechanic

Edna: One scratch-n-win, Apu.
Apu: Mrs. Krabappel, I haven't seen you since we doubled our prices. Still teaching?
Edna: Let's see. scratches lottery ticket One more day, at least.

The Simpsons Season 3 Quotes

Officer Eddie: (reading Steve Sax's license) Well well, Steve Sax, from New York City.
Officer Lou: I heard some guy got killed in New York City and they never solved the case. But you wouldn't know anything about that now, would you, Steve?
(Lou and Eddie laugh)
Steve Sax: But there are hundreds of unsolved murders in New York City.
Officer Lou: You don't know when to keep your mouth shut, do you, Saxxy Boy?

Homer: Marge, where's that... metal... dealy... you use to... dig... food?
Marge: You mean a spoon?
Homer: Yeah yeah yeah!