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The-simpsons

Ned: Is this all he watches?
Maude: Well, he used to watch Davey and Goliath, but he thought the idea of a talking dog was blasphemous.

Homer: Hey Marge, you want to hear something funny? Flanders thinks I swear too much. Hee, hee, hee! Marge, you're not laughing.
Marge: Well, you know, maybe he's right.
Homer: What a surprise. Marge sticks up for Flanders. Can we have one conversation where you don't bring up your hero Ned Flanders?
Marge: Actually Homer, you brought up Ned Flanders.

Maude: Todd, would you like some mixed vegetables?
Todd: Hell no.
(Everyone gasps)
Maude: What did you say?
Todd: I said I don't want any damn vegetables.
Ned: Alright, that is it young man. No bible stories for you tonight.
(Todd runs to his room crying)
Maude: Weren't you a little hard on him?
Ned: Well, you knew I had a temper when you married me.

Jimmy: Hey, what gives?
Jimmy's Dad: You said you wanted to live in a world without zinc Jimmy. Well now your car has no battery.
Jimmy: But I promised Betty I'd pick her up by 6:00. I better give her a call.
Jimmy's Dad: Sorry Jimmy. Without zinc for the rotary mechanism, there are no telephones.
Jimmy: Dear God! What have I done?
(Jimmy pulls out a gun and points it to his head and fires)
Jimmy's Dad: Think again Jimmy. You see the firing pin in your gun was made out ofyepzinc.
Jimmy: Come back zinc, Come Back!!

Truly, yours is a butt that won't quit.

Woodrow

Ned: I'm talking about your potty-mouth.
Homer: What the hell are you talking about?

(Homer tries helping the family write a letter to Mrs. Krabappel from Woodrow, informing her that he is leaving town.)
Homer: Three simple words: I, Am, Gay.
Marge: Homer, for the last time, I'm not putting that in!

Edna: One scratch-n-win, Apu.
Apu: Mrs. Krabappel, I haven't seen you since we doubled our prices. Still teaching?
Edna: Let's see. scratches lottery ticket One more day, at least.

Gross, he's picking his nose!

Bart
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