Marge: Barnacle Bill's Home Pregnancy Test? Homer, shouldn't we have gone with a better-known brand?
Homer: But Marge, this one came with a corn-cob pipe!

Homer: (Writing a letter to Marge) Also, it has become clear that your family doesn't want me here.
Patty: (Off camera) Shut up with that pen scratching down there!

Mr. Burns: Who was that young hellcat, Smithers?
Smithers: Homer Simpson, sir.
Mr. Burns: Simpson, eh? I'll remember that name.

Homer: Wow! What an ending. Who would have thought Darth Vader was Luke Skywalker's father!
Guy: Oh thank you Mr. Blow the picture for me!

Marge: It's Homer!
Patty: I don't know what you see in that ugly meatball!
Selma: Uh huh, If you like being pawed by something fat and lazy, we could get a cat.
Jacqueline: It would leave less hair on the couch!

Homer: Yeah, sure, for you a baby's all fun and games, for me it's diaper changes and midnight feeding!
Lisa: Shouldn't mom do all that stuff?
Homer: Yeah, but I have to hear about it.

Marge: Well, I guess I better go see Dr. Hibbert.
Homer: Oh honey, do you really think you're pregnant?
Marge: Well, I've had the same nausea and craving for pancake mix I did with the other kids.
Homer: Yeah, and I have the same tightness in my chest and the sweating I always get.

Smithers: (Interviewing Homer) Now, let's say there's a problem with the reactor--
Homer: There's a problem with the reactor?! We're all gonna die!

(On God) Oh, He's always happy. No, wait...he's always mad.

Homer

Then, by the power vested in my by the state gaming commission, I pronounce you man and wife. Here's ten dollars worth of chips. You may kiss the bride. Next!

</i> Minister

Hmm. If I didn't know any better, I'd swear he was trying to moon us.

Dr. Hibbert

Selma: Marge, I've got two and a half words for you: Gulp N' Blow.

The Simpsons Season 3 Quotes

Lisa: Dad, do you know what today is?
Homer: The vernal equinox?
Lisa: No! It's been two weeks since you got that tape. Let's get you on the scale!
(Homer gets on the scale)
You've gained thirteen pounds.
Homer: Disingenuous mountebanks with their subliminal chicanery! A pox on them!
(discards tape)

(After Homer rejects other names for boys based on rhyming nicknames)
Marge: What about Bart?
Homer: Let's see. Bart, dart, cart, e-art. Nope can't see any problems with that.
(Missing fart due to only 4 fingers)