The Simpsons

The Simpsons Season 3 Quotes (Page 21)

Season 3 Episode 5: "Homer Defined"

Mr. Burns: Well, Smithers, I guess there is nothing left but to kiss my sorry butt goodbye.
Smithers: May I, sir?
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: What's your problem, boy?
Bart: I had a fight with Milhouse.
Homer: That four eyes with the big nose, you don't need friends like that.
 • Rating: Unrated

Luanne: Well Marge, the other day Milhouse told me my Meatloaf sucks! He must have gotten that from your little boy, because they certainly don't say that word on TV.
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: Here's good news! According to this eye-catching article, SAT scores are declining at a slower rate!
Lisa: Dad, I think this paper is a flimsy hodgepodge of pie graphs, factoids and Larry King.
Homer: Hey, this is the only paper in America that's not afraid to tell the truth, that everything is just fine.
 • Rating: Unrated

Bart: They're official Krusty the Clown walkie-talkies! I'll keep one and you keep one. Now, whenever you want to talk to me, just call me on the phone and tell me to turn on my walkie-talkie.
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: Who'd have thought a nuclear reactor would be so complicated!
 • Rating: Unrated

Milhouse: Bart, my mom won't let me be your friend any more. That's why you couldn't come to the party.
Bart: What's she got against me?
Milhouse: She says you're a bad influence.
Bart: Bad influence, my ass.
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: Yeah, you know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.
 • Rating: Unrated

Barney: I had to give a speech once. I was pretty nervous, so I used a little trick. I picture everyone in their underwear. The judge, the jury, my lawyer, everybody.
Homer: Did it work?
Barney: I'm a free man, ain't I?
 • Rating: Unrated

Kent Brockman: Eenie meenie miney mo. Is Homer a hero? The answer is no.
 • Rating: Unrated

Otto: Bye little dudes. Don't learn anything I wouldn't learn!
 • Rating: Unrated

Mr. Burns: Oh "meltdown". That's one of those annoying buzz words. We prefer to call it an un-requested fission surplus.
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 3 Episode 4: "Bart the Murderer"

Bart: Uh, say, are you guys crooks?
Fat Tony: Bart, um, is it wrong to steal a loaf of bread to feed your starving family?
Bart: No.
Fat Tony: Well, suppose you got a large starving family. Is it wrong to steal a truckload of bread to feed them?
Bart: Uh uh.
Fat Tony: And, what if your family don't like bread? They like...cigarettes?
Bart: I guess that's okay.
Fat Tony: Now, what if instead of giving them away, you sold them at a price that was practically giving them away. Would that be a crime, Bart?
Bart: Hell, no!
Fat Tony: Enjoy your gift.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Chief Wiggum: Fat Tony is a cancer on this fair city. He is the cancer, and I am the...um...What cures cancer?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Homer: Hey, look what I got, a genuine official police badge! "Calling all cars! Come out with your hands up!" Heh heh heh.
Bart: Hey, that's my badge, Homer!
Homer: That's Officer Homer, hee hee!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Homer: Bart!? Have you started smoking?
Bart: No!
Homer: Don't lie to me boy. Uh huh, cigarettes, just as I thought.
Bart: But they're not mine, my boss said his warehouse was full!
Homer: Yeah right, son, I'm going to teach you a lesson! I'm going to stand here and watch you smoke every one of those cigarettes!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Jack Larson: Folks, I'm pleased to announce a new truckload of Laramies with their smooth good taste and rich tobacco flavor is already heading towards Springfield and the driver has been instructed to ignore all stop signs and crosswalks.
 • Rating: Unrated

Bart: More stink lines boys...
Skinner: What's this? What are you boys doing?
Bart: (yawn) You didn't see nothing, now beat it!
 • Rating: Unrated

Lady: Some large men to see you, sir.
Skinner: Uh, I don't have an appointment with any large men...
Fat Tony: Are you Skinner?
Skinner: I'm Principal Skinner, yes! And how may I ask did you get past the hall monitors?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Lionel Hutz: Mr Simpson, you've been the boys father for ten years, do you really think he could be the leader of a murderous criminal syndicate?
Homer: Well not the leader, I mean... Oh it's true it's true, all the pieces fit!
 • Rating: Unrated

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