The Simpsons

The Simpsons Season 3 Quotes (Page 22)

Season 3 Episode 4: "Bart the Murderer"

Bart: You ate my homework? I didn't know dogs really did that.
 • Rating: Unrated

Mrs. Krabappel: Bart Simpson, you're late. Go fill out a tardy slip.
Bart: But I'm only five... (looks at clock) ten, twenty... forty minutes? That's pretty damn late!
 • Rating: Unrated

Ralph: I'm going to eat chocolate till I barf!
 • Rating: Unrated

Principle Skinner: Oh, licking envelopes can be fun! All you have to do is make a game of it.
Bart: What kind of game?
Principle Skinner: Well, for example, you could see how many you could lick in an hour, then try to break that record.
Bart: Sounds like a pretty crappy game to me.
Principle Skinner: Yes, well... Get started.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Fat Tony: Pick a horse, kid. We're putting two dollars on the third race. Make it a good one.
Bart: Eat my shorts!
Fat Tony: Eat My Shorts? Okay, let's see ... wait a minute, you little punk! Eat My Shorts is in the fifth race! I said the third race!
Bart: Don't have a cow.
Fat Tony: Hmm, Don't Have A Cow in the third, put a deuce on him.
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: How much does it pay?
Bart: Thirty bucks a week!
Homer: Pfft! I make more than that.
 • Rating: Unrated

Chief Wiggum: You're all under arrest for the murder of Seymour Skinner!
Fat Tony: What's a murder?
Chief Wiggum: Don't play dumb with me!
 • Rating: Unrated

Lionel Hutz: I'm here defending you on the charges of . . . (looks at sheet) Murder One!? Even if I lose I'll be famous!
 • Rating: Unrated

Chief Wiggum: (to Fat Tony) I'm not gonna stop until one of us is in jail. (pause) You!
 • Rating: Unrated

Chief Wiggum: You wouldn't happen to know anything about a cigarette truck that was hijacked outside of town, would you?
Fat Tony: What's a truck?
Chief Wiggum: Don't play dumb with me!
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 3 Episode 3: "When Flanders Failed"

Homer: (Watching rotating vending machine) Apple, apple, apple...come on, candy bar! (Looking at an apple.) Hey, I know you! You're that first apple I didn't want!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Homer: Look, I don't care if Ned Flanders is the nicest guy in the world, he's a jerk! End of story!
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: Hey Bartely Boobely, care for a Steak-a-roonie?
Bart: Sounds scrump-diddely-umptious dear old daddely doodely!
 • Rating: Unrated

Chuck: Good afternoon sir, I'm Chuck Ellis from the Springfield Collection Agency, and I'm here to ask you why you think you don't need to pay your bills!
Homer: Oh, I know I disobey them but there's just so many!
Chuck: Does it make you feel good about yourself to owe people money. We've been very patient with you Mr. Flanders
Homer: I know but.... wait a minute, I'm Homer Simpson! Ned Flanders lives over there.
 • Rating: Unrated

Lisa: You punks are about to get a taste of your own medicine, this is my brother and he knows karate!
Jimbo: Oh, we're real scared!
Kearney: Please don't hurt us Bart!
Dolph: What are you gonna do? Throw your diapers at us? Haha!
Lisa: Yeah just keep laughing, you know it makes him madder! Come on Bart, start em off with the touch of death, and go from there!
Bart: I think they've learned their lesson already
Jimbo: No! We wanna see the touch of death!
 • Rating: Unrated

Flanders: Even the good book can't help me now!
Homer: Why not?
Flanders: I sold it to you for seven cents!
 • Rating: Unrated

Lisa: Dad, do you know what Schadenfreude is?
Homer: (sarcastically) No, I do not know what Schadenfreude is. Please tell me, because I'm dying to know!
Lisa: It's a German term for 'shameful joy', taking pleasure in the suffering of others.
Homer: Oh, come on Lisa. I'm just glad to see him fall flat on his butt!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Marge: Bart, don't use the Touch of Death on your sister.
 • Rating: Unrated

Ned: See anything you like?
Homer: Oh, I get it! It's not good enough for you, but it's good enough for me! Well, I wouldn't be caught dead buying this... (spies something) hello!
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: See Marge, you knock TV and then it helps you out. I think you owe someone an apology.
 • Rating: Unrated

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