(After Homer rejects other names for boys based on rhyming nicknames)
Marge: What about Bart?
Homer: Let's see. Bart, dart, cart, e-art. Nope can't see any problems with that.
(Missing fart due to only 4 fingers)

(About Homer) This man not only failed the aptitude test, he got trapped in a closet on the way out.

Smithers

(Homer and Marge are in the castle at the miniature golf course)
Homer: Someday I'll buy you a real castle.
Marge: Oh, you don't have to do that.
Homer: Whoo, good.

Lisa: It's not our fault our generation has short attention spans, Dad, we watch an appalling amount of TV.
Homer: Don't you ever, ever talk that way about television!

Burns: These two gentlemen are American as apple pie! Hans and Fritz, why that's just... John and Frank!
Quimby: Ich bin ein Springfielder
Carl: Oh this ain't good!
Homer: We'll all lose our jobs!
Marge: Look at all those worried faces, except for Lenny, he looks great!
Lenny: (with mouth surgery) This is the worst day of my life.

Horst: We plan to have some frank discussions with your safety inspector.
Homer: He he, yeah. Sock it to him, Horst!
Lenny: Hey Homer, aren't you the safety inspector?
Homer: (looks at his badge) D'oh!

Mr. Burns: I wanted to give you something to remember me by, I know you've always had your eye on this photo of Elvis and me!
Smithers: He was so good to mother, sir!
Mr. Burns: Yes, but I couldn't understand a word that man said! (Impersonating Elvis) Mistah Burrs, duhs a boom hang gasson for hound dawg!
Smithers: (Laughing) Stop it, you're killing me sir!

Marge, its not the money, my job is my identity. If I'm not a safety what's-a-ma-jigger, I'm nothing!

Homer

Horst: Zen, you must have some good ideas for ze future as vell?
Homer: I sure do (7 seconds of blank)
Horst: Such az?
Homer: Well uuh... I wish the candy machine wasn't so picky about taking beat-up dollar bills.

Homer: (in the land of chocolate) Wow! Chocolate, half price!... (his dream finishes) la la lalala la...
Horst: Mr. Simpson.....Mr. Simpson
Homer: Huh? oh, sorry, we were talking about chocolate?
Fritz: Zat vas ten minutes ago!

Marge: You spent fifty two hundred dollars on beer?
Homer: Fifty two hundred, what are you talking about? (sees the TV) Oh my god! I sold it all for twenty-five bucks!
Bart: (kicks him in the rear) Come on, everybody, it makes you feel better.

Horst: (Sinister) Okay, Mr. Burns, you win. But beware. We Germans aren't all smiles and sunshine.
Mr. Burns: (Sarcastic) Oooh, the Germans are mad at me. I'm so scared! Oooh, the Germans! (Hiding behind Smithers) Uh oh, the Germans are going to get me!
Horst: Stop it!
Man: Stop, sir.
Mr. Burns: Don't let the Germans come after me. Oh no, the Germans are coming after me.
Man: Please stop the "pretending you are scared" game, please.
Horst: Stop it! Stop it!
Mr. Burns: (Pause) No! They're so big and strong!
Man: Stop it.
Horst: Stop it, Mr. Burns.
Man: Please stop pretending you are scared of us, please, now.
Mr. Burns: Oh, protect me from the Germans! The Germans--
Horst: Burns, Stop it!

The Simpsons Season 3 Quotes


Lisa, it's your birthday.
God bless you this day.
You gave me the gift of a little sister, and I'm proud of you today.
Lisa, it's your birthday.
Happy birthday, Lisa.
Lisa, it's your birthday.
Happy birthday, Lisa.
I wish you love and good will.
I wish you peace and joy.
I wish you better than your heart desires.
And your first kiss from a boy.
Lisa, it's your birthday.
Happy birthday, Lisa.
Lisa, it's your birthday.
Happy birthday, Lisa.

's song to Lisa

(Mr. Burns and Smithers review the security camera footage at the power plant.)
Mr. Burns: Wait a minute. Go back.
(Tape rewinds)
Mr. Burns: Zoom in.
(Screen zooms in to Homer.)
Mr. Burns: Why is that man in pink?
Smithers: That's Homer Simpson, sir. He's one of your boobs from Sector 7-G.
Mr. Burns: Simpson, eh? Well, judging by his outlandish attire, he's some sort of free-thinking anarchist.
Smithers: I'll call security, sir.
Mr. Burns: Excellent.