The Simpsons

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The simpsons
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Horst: Do we have any alcoholics among us?
Man 1: Uh, me.
Man 2: Right here.
Man 3: I'm drunk right now!

We regret to announce the following lay-offs, which I will read in alphabetical order. Simpson, Homer. (Pause) That is all.

Horst

Horst: Homer, could we have a word with you?
Homer: No.
Horst: I must have phrased that badly. My English is how you say...inelegant. I meant to say may we have a brief, friendly chat?
Homer: No!
Horst: Once again I have failed. (Reading from a German-English phrasebook) We request the pleasure of your company for a free exchange of ideas.
Homer: (Yelling) No!

Smithers: What's wrong sir, did I get some in your eye? The Shampoo specifically said, "No more tears!"
Mr. Burns: Ah, lovely promise but, one beyond the powers of a mere shampoo.

Homer: What should I do?
Guy: Well let me put it this way you get twenty five dollars if you sell now!
Homer: Sell sell sell!!! Woohooo! Twenty five dollars!

Ooh! Battlestar Galactica.

Homer

You see that queen over there? Her name is Smithers.

Mr. Burns

Homer: Let me ask you something: does your money cheer you up when you're feeling blue?
Mr. Burns: Yes.
Homer: Okay, bad example. So let me ask you this: does your money ever hug you when you come home at night?
Mr. Burns: Why, no.
Homer: And does it say "I love you"?
Mr. Burns: No, it doesn't.
Homer: (chanting) Nobody love you, nobody loves you...

Bart: I'm looking for a Mrs. O'Problem, first name Bea.
Moe: Uh, yeah just a minute, I'll check. (Calling) Bea O'Problem! Bea O'Problem! Come on guys, do I have a Bea O'Problem?!
Barney: You sure do!
(The customers laugh)
Moe: It's you, isn't it!
(Bart laughs)
Moe: Listen, you. When I get a hold of you, I'm going to use your head for a bucket and paint my house with your brains!

Ooh Smithers! A blue-collar bar! Let's go slumming!

Mr. Burns

(about Bart) He's a pip this one is.

Moe

(talking about his drink) I don't know the scientific explanation, but fire made it good.

Homer
Displaying quotes 265 - 276 of 489 in total

The Simpsons Season 3 Quotes

Miss Hoover: Now put paste on your paper. Ralph, are you eating your paste?
Ralph Wiggum: (Gluestick poking out of his mouth) No, Miss. Hoover.

Principle Skinner: Oh, licking envelopes can be fun! All you have to do is make a game of it.
Bart: What kind of game?
Principle Skinner: Well, for example, you could see how many you could lick in an hour, then try to break that record.
Bart: Sounds like a pretty crappy game to me.
Principle Skinner: Yes, well... Get started.