The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXThe Simpsons Season 3 Quotes
Kent: We'll watch Springfield's oldest man meet Springfield's fattest man.
Homer: He's not so fat.
Kent: And we visit with heavyweight champion Drederick Tatum, who reminisces about growing up in Springfield.
Tatum: That town is a dump. If you ever see me back there, you'll know I really (bleep)-ed up bad.
Gin and tonic? Do they mix?
Moe
Selma: (showing slides) And this is Patty trying to plug her leg razor into one of those ungodly Czechoslovakian outlets. (next slide, shows Patty's hairy-leg) As you can see, we never did get the hang of it.
Bart: Aye, carumba!
(talking about Patty's leg) As I stared up at that hairy yellow drumstick, I knew I needed a drink.
Homer
Homer: Oh my god, I don't know jack about my boy! I'm a bad father!
Selma: You're also fat.
Homer: I'm also fat!
Homer: (reading) No matter what you tell your child to do, you will always do the opposite, huh?
Homer's Brain: Don't you get it? You've got to use reverse psychology!
Homer: That sounds too complicated!
Homer's Brain: OK, don't use reverse psychology!
Homer: All right, I will!
Barney: (To Patty) My friend and I have a bet. Are you Mary Tyler Moore?
(Patty sprays mace in Barney's eyes.)
Barney: Ow! Wow, it really is you!
Homer: Patty! Selma! What a pleasant surprise!
Patty: Whaddya know, he's wearing pants!
Selma: I owe you a lunch!
Troy McClure: I'm actor Troy McClure. You may remember me
from such TV series as: Buck Henderson: Union Buster and Troy & Company's Summertime Smile Factory.
Marge: Question 1: Name one of your child's friends.
Homer: Lets see uh, Bart's friends, well there's the fat kid with the thing, uh, the little wiener who's always got his hands in his pockets!
Marge: They want a name, Homer, not a vague description!
Homer: Okay....Hank?
Marge: Hank? Hank who?
Homer: Hank....Jones!
Marge: Homer, you made that up.
Marge: Question 2: "Who is your son's hero?"
Homer: Steve McQueen.
Marge: That's your hero! "Name another dad you talk to about parenting."
Homer: Next
Marge: "What are your son's hobbies?"
Homer: Well, he's always chewing on the phone cord.
Marge: He hasn't done that since he was two!
Homer: Then he has no hobbies!
