The Simpsons

The Simpsons Season 3 Quotes (Page 8)

Season 3 Episode 18: "Separate Vocations"

Apu: Ooh, they used nylon rope this time. It feels so smooth against my skin. Almost sensuous.
 • Rating: Unrated

Bart: Seymour, this is an absent slip signed by Nelson's mother. And this is Nelson's English homework. Notice the identical elongated loops on the d's.
Principal Skinner: Forgery! So he didn't have leprosy!
 • Rating: Unrated

Teacher: This is a great day for me. I thought I could never teach again!
Skinner: Oh, things have changed. There will be no mockery of your name, Mr. Glascock.
 • Rating: Unrated

Hoover: Lisa, what nineteenth-century figure was named 'Old Hickory'?
Lisa: I don't know. You?
Hoover: Lisa, if you'd bothered to do the assignment, you'd know the answer is... (flips to answers) The Battle of New Orleans. I mean, Andrew Jackson.
Lisa: Well, you're earning your eighteen grand a year.
 • Rating: Unrated

Bart: Hey, I don't need you to get me in the back of a police car.
 • Rating: Unrated

Marge: You know, your father wanted to be a policeman for a little while, but they said he was too heavy.
Homer: No, the Army said I was too heavy. The police said I was too dumb.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Lisa: Well, I'm going to be a famous jazz musician. I've got it all figured out. I'll be unappreciated in my own country, but my gutsy blues stylings will electrify the French. I'll avoid the horrors of drug abuse, but I do plan to have several torrid love affairs, and I may or may not die young. I haven't decided.
 • Rating: Unrated

Lisa: Bart, why did you take the blame?
Bart: Because I didn't want you to wreck your life. You got the brains and the talent to go as far as you want. And when you do, I'll be right there to borrow money.
 • Rating: Unrated

Miss Hoover: Now sprinkle your sparkles on your paste. Lisa, you're not sprinkling your sparkles.
Lisa: Shove it.
 • Rating: Unrated

Principal Skinner: Some sick individual has stolen every "Teacher's Edition!"
Teacher: What do we do?
Mrs. Krabappel: Declare a snow day!
Teacher #2: Does anyone know the multiplication table?
 • Rating: Unrated

Dr. Pryor: Here's your scientifically selected career.
Janey: Architect.
Kid: Insurance salesman,
Ralph: Salmon gutter?
Milhouse: Military strongman.
Martin: Systems analyst. Systems analyst.
Dr. Pryor: Systems analyst.
Martin: All right!
Lisa: Homemaker?
Dr. Pryor: Mm-hm. It's like a mommy.
Bart: Police officer? Well, I'll be jiggered.
 • Rating: Unrated

Lisa: Dear Log: This will be my last entry. For you were a journal of my hopes and dreams, and now I have none.
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 3 Episode 17: "Homer at the Bat"

End Theme:
Well, Mr. Burns had done it,
The power plant had won it,
With Roger Clemens clucking all the while.
Mike Scoscia's tragic illness made us smile,
While Wade Boggs lay unconscious on the barroom tile.
We're talking softball,
From Maine to San Diego.
We're talking softball,
Mattingly and Canseco.
Ken Griffey's grotesquely swollen jaw,
Steve Sax and his run-in with the law,
We're talking Ho-mer,
Ozzie, and the Straw!
 • Rating: Unrated

Burns: You, Strawberry, hit a home run.
Strawberry: Okay, skip.
(hits a home run)
Burns: Ha-ha! I told him to do that.
Smithers: Brilliant strategy sir.
 • Rating: Unrated

Hypnotist: You are all very good players
Team: We are all very good players.
Hypnotist: You will beat Shelbyville.
Team: We will beat Shelbyville.
Hypnotist: You will give 110 percent.
Team: That's impossible no one can give more than 100 percent. By definition that's the most any one can give.
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: It was a lightning storm and I'd locked myself out. So, sheltering myself with a large piece of sheet metal, I ran and took shelter under the largest tree I could find.
 • Rating: Unrated

Burns: It's a brain and nerve tonic, full of proteins and electromagnetic juices.
Griffey: (takes a sip) Wow! It's like there's a party in my mouth and everybody's invited!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Homer: Come here, boy, I want to show you something.
Bart: What's that, a homemade bat?
Homer: It's something very special: a homemade bat.
 • Rating: Unrated

Marge: Homey, come to bed
Homer: (goes back to bed with a plainer) Homer, go back to the garage!
 • Rating: Unrated

Marge: And the next man wants to hit the ball too...and he does and everyone is happy.
Bart: Uh, mom? Why don't you let me call the game?
Marge: That's alright dear, I can do it.
 • Rating: Unrated

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