The Simpsons

Sundays 8:00 PM on FOX
The simpsons
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This is K-U-D-D 570 AM. Hey, don't touch that dial, you've got KUDD on it.

DJ

Homer: Ooh, there's a good one!
Marge: That spot says compact only!
Homer: Marge, that's just the suggestion car size...easy...easy... how am I doing on the right?
Lisa: Um, we're getting a lot of sparks over here, dad!
Homer: Uh huh, easy...easy...mmm perfect, alright everybody out the window!

Marge: Well, what are we going to see?
Bart: Ernest Cuts The Cheese!
Lisa: Honey I Hit A School Bus!
Homer: Look Who's Oinking, Look Who's Oinking!
Marge: Since we'll never agree, why don't you kids pick a movie, your dad and I will pick a movie, then we'll all meet in the lobby later?
Bart/Lisa: Thanks mom!
Homer: Two tickets for...
Guy: Lemme guess... Look Who's Oinking?
Homer: That's right!
Guy: Sold out!

Lurleen's Song: That's why you flipped your pickup truck, right off the interstate!
Homer: That's right (fast) except for the pickup truck.

Guy: Lets give a big country welcome to Yodeling Zeek!
Audience: *applause*
Zeek: Yodel-e-hee, yodel-e-i-hee, odel-e-hee.

Redneck 1: Hey you, let's fight.
Redneck 2: Them's fightin' words!

Hillbilly 1: I caught my wife in bed with my best friend.
Hillbilly 2: You bitter?
Hillbilly 1: Yeah, bit HIM too!

Homer: I'm going now, and I don't know when you'll see me again
(he drives off, then comes back to drop Maggie off)
Lisa: I guess that executive stress ball we got him for Christmas isn't working.

Studio Owner: Ah, this studio has a lot of history, uh.. Buddy Holly stood on this spot in 1958 and said 'There is no way in hell that I'm going to record in this dump'
Homer: I'm sure Lurleen will love it!
Marge: Homer, how much did you just give that man!
Homer: Calm down Marge, it's just our life savings!

Homer: Oh no, I went to this bar the other night and the.
Moe: Hey, wawait a minute. You went to another bar?
Homer: Moe, I was 100 miles out of town!
Moe: Oh Homer...

(on a mechanical bull) Ach! How come no one else's chair is doin' this?!

Willy

Lurleen: My name's Lurleen Lumpkin.
Homer: That's a pretty name.
Lurleen: Oh, you think so?
Homer: Maybe. I'm not sure. I forgot it.

Displaying quotes 85 - 96 of 489 in total

The Simpsons Season 3 Quotes

(After Homer rejects other names for boys based on rhyming nicknames)
Marge: What about Bart?
Homer: Let's see. Bart, dart, cart, e-art. Nope can't see any problems with that.
(Missing fart due to only 4 fingers)

Homer: I want to tell you about the most wonderful place in the world: Doggie Heaven. In Doggie Heaven, there are mountains of bones, and you can't turn around without sniffing another dog's butt! And all the best dogs are there, Old Yeller, and about eight Lassies.
Bart: Is there a Doggie Hell?
Homer: Well of course, there couldn't be a heaven if there weren't a hell.
Bart: Who's in there?
Homer: Oh, uh Hitler's dog and that dog Nixon had, what's his name, um, Chester
Lisa: Checkers.
Homer: Yeah! One of the Lassies is in there, too. The mean one! The one who mauled Timmy!