Ralph: My parents won't let me use scissors.
Miss Hoover: The children have a right to laugh at you, Ralph. These things couldn't cut butter. Now, take out your red crayons.
Ralph: Miss Hoover. I don't have a red crayon.
Miss Hoover: Why not?
Ralph: I ate it.

Moe: (Reads his valentine) "To Moe. From your secret admirer."
Barney: Yoo Hooooo!
Moe: Oh God, no!
(Barney blows a kiss and belches)

Oh it isn't fair. I'm ten times the Krusty fan you are. I even have the Krusty home pregnancy test!

Bart

The doctor said I wouldnt have so many nosebleeds if I kept my finger outta there.

Ralph

Uh... so... do you like..... stuff?

Ralph

Homer: You know, one day honest citizens are going to stand up to you crooked cops.
Chief Wiggum: They are!? Oh no! Ha-have they set a date?

I didn't cry when me own father was hung for stealing a pig, but I'll cry now.

Groundskeeper Willie

Good evening, everyone, and welcome to a wonderful evening of theater and picking up after yourselves.

Principal Skinner

Guy: Where do you want these beef hearts?
Lunchlady Doris: On the floor.
Guy: It doesnt look very clean.
Lunchlady Doris: Just do your job, heart boy.

Lisa: Ralph thinks I like him but I only gave him a valentine because I felt sorry for him.
Homer: Ah, sweet pity. Where would my love life have been without it?

(Watching The Krusty Show)
Bart: I'd give anything to go to that show!
Homer: I'd sell my first-born son!
Bart: Hey!
Homer: You'll do as you're told!

If you think I'm cuddly and you want my company, come on wifey let me know!

Ned

The Simpsons Season 4 Quotes

Mayor Quimby: And, uh, may the Force be with you.
Leonard Nimoy: You have no idea who I am, do you?
Mayor Quimby: Sure, I do. You're one of the Little Rascals, right?

Leonard Nimoy: A solar eclipse: the cosmic ballet goes on.
Man sitting next to Nimoy: Does anybody want to switch seats?