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The-simpsons

Chief Wiggum: Mrs. Simpson, I have some bad news; your husband was found DOA.
Marge: Oh my God! He's dead?!
Chief Wiggum: Oh, wait, I mean DWI. I always get those two mixed up.
Mrs. Phillips: My name's Mrs. Phillips. You said my husband's DWI?
Chief Wiggum: Um, why don't you talk to that officer over there? I'm going out to lunch.

To lift the spider's curse, simply recite a Bible verse. Uh... Thou shalt not... Oh, the hell with it. (Homer, throws a rock at the spider's head.)

Homer

Homer: All right, starting tomorrow no beer for a month.
(Marge turns off the light and Homer opens a can, audibly)
Marge: What was that noise?
Homer: I was saying, "Psssst, I love you."

McClure: Here's an appealing fellow. In fact, they're a-peeling him off the sidewalk.
Homer: Hehehe, It's funny cause I don't know him.

Marge: Homey, I'd like you to do something for me.
Homer: You name it.
Marge: I want you to give up beer for a month.
Homer: You got it. No deer for a month.
Marge: Did you say beer, or deer?
Homer: .... Deer.

Over, under, in and out, that's what shoe tying is all about.

Principal Skinner

Moe: C'mon, Homer, do it for your old pal Moesy.
Barney: But Moe, yesterday you called Homer a worthless sack of --
Moe: Pipe down, rub-a-dub!

My name is Otto; I love to get blotto.

Otto

Homer: W, X, Y, and Z. Now I know my ABCs, won't you come and play with me.
Eddie: Flawless.
Lou: We also would have accepted, "tell me what you think of me."

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