The Simpsons

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The simpsons
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(Thinking to himself while looking at the casket) Oh, I thought this thing was going to be catered. Boy, am I hungry. I mean, I'm really, really, hungry. (Out loud) It's just not fair, dammit!

Homer

Puppets: Duff beer for me, Duff beer for you, I'll have a Duff, you have one too! Duff beer for me, Duff beer for you, I'll have a Duff, you have one too!
Bart: I want to get off.
Selma: No, you can't get off. We have five more continents to visit.

Homer: Marge, I'd like to be alone with the sandwich for a moment.
Marge: Are you going to eat it?
Homer: (short silence) ...Yes.

Hans Moleman: Combed, biscuits, chicken, yellow, mailman.
Waitress: You're reading the wine list sir.
Hans Moleman: Very good.

Marge: The funeral is in Littleneck Falls. We'll have to go to Duff Gardens another day.
Lisa: I understand.
Bart: No use complaining about something you can't change.
Homer (whining): But I wanna go to Duff Gardens. Right now!
Marge: Homer, quit pouting.
Homer: I'm not pouting. I'm mourning. Stupid dead woman.

Selma: So, wearing a belt, are you?
Kid: Uh-huh.
Selma: No suspenders for you.
Kid: I guess not.
Selma: Orange is really your color.
Kid: They make us wear this.
Selma: Shall we continue this conversation over dinner?
Kid: Uh...I'm not allowed to date customers. It's store policy.
Arnold: No, it isn't.

Worker: We found this one swimming naked in the pool.
Lisa: I am the lizard queen!

(at Aunt Gladys' funeral, Lisa goes up to the casket)
Lisa: Goodbye Great Aunt Gladys. I'm sorry I didn't get to know you better
Bart: (in a raspy voice from behind the casket) Don't worry about it
(Lisa runs away screaming; Bart laughs)

Gladys: Now let's get down to business. (Voice changes to Lionel Hutz) To my executor, Lionel Hutz, I leave $50,000.
Marge: MR. HUTZ!
Hutz: You'd be surprised how often that works, you really would!

Come to Duff Gardens, where roaming gangs aren't a big problem anymore!

Troy McClure

He was a good man, he was a kind man. He gave to his community and asked little in return. He never-(a man whispers something in his ear) That's a woman? Dear lord!

Priest

Marge: I think the money should be spent on something the whole town can be proud of.
Homer: Like a giant billboard that says 'no fat chicks!'?

Displaying quotes 169 - 180 of 396 in total

The Simpsons Season 4 Quotes

Son, a woman is a lot like a... a refrigerator! They're about six feet tall, 300 pounds. They make ice, and um Oh, wait a minute! Actually, a woman is more like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you'd step over your own mother just to get one! But you can't stop at one, you wanna drink another woman!

Homer

I've got some joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart. (Where?) Down in my heart to stay! And if the devil doesn't like it, he can sit on a tack. (Ouch!) Sit on a tack. (Ouch!)

Rod/Todd