Cops: In Springfield Lyrics:
Bad cops, bad cops.
Bad cops, bad cops.
Bad cops, bad cops.
Bad cops, bad cops.
Springfield cops are on the take,
But what do you expect for the money we make?
Whether in a car or on a horse,
We don't mind using excessive force.
Bad cops, bad cops.
Bad cops, bad cops.

This is Papa Bear. Put out an APB for a male suspect, driving of some sort, heading in the direction know, that place that sells chili. Suspect is hatless. Repeat, hatless.

Chief Wiggum

Homer: Ooh, oatmeal, what a delightful treat! Aw, there's a bug in it.
Marge: No there isn't.
Homer: Trust me.
(starts eating bacon)
Bart: Dad, there's a bug on that.
Homer: Meh.

Mr. Burns: That's right, keep eating...Little do you know you're drawing ever closer to the poison donut! (cackles evily) There is a poison one, isn't there Smithers?
Smithers:, sir. I discussed this with our lawyers and they consider it murder.
Burns: Damn their oily hides!

Hibbert: I must warn you though, this procedure will cost you upwards of $30,000.
Homer: Aaarrrggh! (collapses)
Hibbert: I'm afraid it's now $40,000.

Call 1-600-DOCTORB. The B is for Bargain!

Dr. Nick

Homer: Kids, kids. I'm not going to die. That only happens to bad people.
Bart: What about Abraham Lincoln?
Homer: He sold poison milk to school children.

Bed goes up, bed goes down. Bed goes up, bed goes down. Bed goes up, bed goes down.


Homer: And Lisa...
Bart: (whispers into Homer's ear)
Homer: I guess this is the time to tell you...
Bart: (whispers into Homer's ear)
Homer:...that you're adopted and I don't like you..... BART!

Moe: Now let's have a minute of silent prayer for our good friend, Homer Simpson.
Barney: How long has it been?
Moe: Six seconds.
Barney: Do we have to start over?
Moe: Hell no.

The knee bone's connected to the something. The something's connected to the red thing. The red thing's connected to my wrist watch... Uh oh.

Dr. Nick

Marge: There's going to be twice as much love in this house as there is now!
Homer: We're going to start doing it in the morning?!

The Simpsons Season 4 Quotes

Son, a woman is a lot like a... a refrigerator! They're about six feet tall, 300 pounds. They make ice, and um Oh, wait a minute! Actually, a woman is more like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you'd step over your own mother just to get one! But you can't stop at one, you wanna drink another woman!


The Monorail Song
Lyle Lanley: Y'know, a town with money is like a mule with a spinning wheel. No one knows how he got it and danged if he knows how to use it!
(audience laughs)
Homer: Heh heh! Mule.
Lyle Lanley: The name's Lanley. Lyle Lanley. And I come before you good people tonight with an idea. Probably the greatest... Aw, it's not for you. It's more of a Shelbyville idea.
Mayor Quimby: Now wait just a minute! We're twice as smart as the people of Shelbyville! Just tell us your idea and we'll vote for it!
Lyle Lanley: All right, I tell you what I'll do. I'll show you my idea! I give you the Springfield Monorail! (audience gasps) I've sold monorails to Brockway, Ogdenville, and North Haverbrooke, and by gum, it put them on the map!
Well, sir, there's nothing on earth
Like a genuine,
Bona fide,
Monorail! ...
What'd I say?
Ned Flanders: Monorail!
Lyle Lanley: What's it called?
Patty & Selma: Monorail!
Lyle Lanley: That's right! Monorail!
(crowd chants "Monorail" softly and rhythmically)
Miss Hoover: I hear those things are awfully loud.
Lyle Lanley: It glides as softly as a cloud.
Apu: Is there a chance the track could bend?
Lyle Lanley: Not on your life, my Hindu friend.
Barney: What about us brain-dead slobs?
Lyle Lanley: You'll all be given cushy jobs.
Grampa: Were you sent here by the devil?
Lyle Lanley: No, good sir, I'm on the level.
Chief Wiggum: The ring came off my pudding can.
Lyle Lanley: Take my pen knife, my good man.
I swear it's Springfield's only choice...
Throw up your hands and raise your voice!
All: Monorail!
Lyle Lanley: What's it called?
All: Monorail!
Lyle Lanley: Once again...
All: Monorail!
Marge: But Main Street's still all cracked and broken!
Bart: Sorry, Mom, the mob has spoken.
All: Monorail!
Homer: Mono... D'oh!