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The-simpsons

Grampa: Why I go in and out of coma's all the .............. french toast please.
Lisa: Is a coma painful?
Grampa: Oh heck no. You relive long lost summers, kiss girls from high school. It's like one of those TV shows where they show a bunch of clips from old episodes.

Oh Marge. What if I wind up as some vegetable watching TV on the couch. My important work will never be completed.

Homer

It's a good thing that beer wasn't shooken up any more, or I'd have looked quite the fool. An April Fool, as it were.

Homer

Mrs. Simpson, I'm afraid your husband is dead. (classic laugh) April Fools. He's very much alive, although I'm afraid he may never walk again.

Dr. Hibbert

Moe: I brought you a little present. (Gives Homer a can of beer)
Homer: No. Beer bring pain.
Barney: I can't stand to see him like this. (Shoves a pillow in Homer's face. He than lifts up a water fountain, throws it at a window, jumps out and runs away)
Moe: He really needs a girlfriend.

TV Announcer: The following is a public service announcement. Excessive alcohol consumption can cause liver damage and cancer of the rectum.
Homer: Mmm... beer.

Homer: And that's the story of April Fools Day.
Lisa: Dad, I was telling the story!

I am interested in long-distance savings. Very interested.

Squeaky-Voiced Teen

Marge: You lost 5% of your brain.
Homer: Me lose brain? Uh-oh! (Everyone including Homer laughs)
Homer: Why I laugh?

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