The Simpsons

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The simpsons
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Bart: (reading cue cards) Hello, Mr... Kurns. I bad want... money now. Me sick.
Homer: Ooh, he card reads good.

Lisa: I propose to you that your heir not need be a boy. In this phallocentric society of ours--
Mr. Burns: I don't know what phallocentric means, but no girls!
Milhouse: (dressed as a girl) So much for Plan B.

Mr. Burns: I specifically said, no geeks!
Milhouse: But my mom says I'm cool...

I only have two questions... how much and give it to me.

Homer

Helen Lovejoy: That animal of yours is certainly bad-tempered.
Lisa: Yeah, well you'd be grumpy, too if you were taken out of your natural habitat and gawked at by a bunch of slack-jawed yokels.
Cletus: (Pointing at Lisa) Hey, Ma! Look at that pointed-haired-ed little girl! (Chuckles)

Now I've had my head in an elephant, a hippo, and a giant sloth.

Homer

Grampa: Hey, they're playing the elephant song.
Jasper: I love that. Reminds me of elephants.

(Homer hits a steel deer statue with his car)
Homer: D'oh!
Lisa: A deer!
Marge: A female deer!

Chief Wiggum: Help! Help us! They stole our uniforms guns and tazers!
Snake: (in a police uniform) Ohhhhh, Fry piggy. (charges tazer)
Chief Wiggum: No, no -- no don't -- aargh! Aargh! A little to the left... aah, that's the stuff.

Marge: (referring to Stampy) Homer... it looks like it could gore.
Homer: (chuckles) It does look like Al Gore.

I'm tired. I'm hungry. Can't we just get a new house?

Bart

Marge: (Talking about Stampy) Gosh, I thought he'd be happier in his true habitat.
Warden: Oh, I think he is.
Marge: Then why is he attacking all those other elephants?
Warden: Well, animals are not like people, Mrs. Simpson. Some of them act badly because they've had a hard life, or have been mistreated. But, like people, some of them are just jerks--Stop that, Mr. Simpson.
(The camera pans to show Homer repeatedly head butting the warden.)

Displaying quotes 109 - 120 of 624 in total

The Simpsons Season 5 Quotes

Homer: (Wearing glasses) The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side!
Man: (From inside a bathroom stall.) That's a right triangle, you idiot!
Homer: D'oh!

Homer: Aw, twenty dollars? I wanted a peanut!
Homer's Brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts.
Homer: Explain how!
Homer's Brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services.