The Simpsons

The Simpsons Season 5 Quotes (Page 11)

Season 5 Episode 14: "Lisa vs. Malibu Stacy"

Lisa: It's not funny, Bart. Millions of girls will grow up thinking that this is the right way to act; that they can never be more than vacuous ninnies whose only goal is to look pretty, land a rich husband, and spend all day on the phone with their equally vacuous friends talking about how damn terrific it is to look pretty and have a rich husband!
Bart: Just what I was going to say.
 • Rating: Unrated

Grampa: Why are you people avoiding me? Does my withered face remind you of the grim specter of Death?
Homer: Yes, but there's more. Dad, I love you, but...you're a weird, sore-headed old crank and nobody likes you!
 • Rating: Unrated

Lisa: Mom! We could go on the factory tour and I could complain in person!
Marge: Honey, you're not going to throw red paint at the executives, are you? The Keebler people were very upset.
 • Rating: Unrated

Lisa: It's awful being a kid. No one listens to you.
Grampa: It's rotten being old. No one listens to you.
Homer: I'm a white male, age 18 to 49. Everyone listens to me, no matter how dumb my suggestions are!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Lisa: Change what she says. It's your company.
Stacy Lavelle: Not since I was forced out in 1974. They said my way of thinking just wasn't cost effective.
Lisa: That's awful.
Stacy Lavelle: Well, that, and I was funneling profits to the Viet Cong.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Mr. Peterson: We need some more secret sauce. Put this mayonnaise in the sun.
 • Rating: 3.7 / 5.0

Lisa: I'd be mortified if someone ever made a lousy product with the Simpson name on it.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Lisa: This is great. They're really going to sell our doll!
Stacy Lavelle: Well, it wasn't difficult. I just told them who I was, and who you were, and they couldn't resist.
Lisa: Really?
Stacy Lavelle: Well, I didn't tell them who you were.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Grampa: I shouldn't be listening to complaints, I should be making them with you guys! The good Lord lets us grow old for a reason; to gain the wisdom to find fault with everything He's made.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Stacy Lavelle: We'll call her Lisa Lionheart.
Bart: No, Loudmouth Lisa! Stupid Lisa Garbage Face! I can't take this anymore! Somebody pay attention to me! Look at me!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Jasper: What's eatin' you, Abe? For three weeks all you've been talking about is meeting Matlock. Now you've met him, swiped his pills (reads label) "Take one every hour to prevent spastic heart convulsions" (An ambulance drives by with its siren blaring inside a doctor yells out "Clear!") but you ain't said a word.
 • Rating: Unrated

Grampa: And to my son Homer--
Homer: Woo-hoo!
Grampa: --and his entire family--
Homer: D'oh!
 • Rating: Unrated

Grampa: I leave these: a box of mint-condition 1918 liberty-head silver dollars. You see, back in those days, rich men would ride around in Zeppelins, dropping coins on people, and one day I seen J. D. Rockefeller flying by. So I run out of the house with a big washtub and--Where are you going?
Homer: Dad, we'd love to stay here and listen to your amusing antidote, but we have to take these coins to the mall and spend 'em!
 • Rating: Unrated

Grampa: Anyway, about my washtub...I just used it that morning to wash my turkey, which in those days was known as a "walking bird". We'd always have walking bird on Thanksgiving with all the trimmings: cranberries, Injun eyes, yams stuffed with gunpowder. Then we'd all watch football, which in those days was called "baseball."
 • Rating: Unrated

Girl #1: Look! Achy Breaky Stacy for a dollar ninety-nine!
Girl #2: Live from the Improv Stacy's only eighty-nine cents!
Girl #1 / #2: Ewwwww!
 • Rating: Unrated

Lisa: Thanks for buying us these toys, Grampa.
Grampa: Ehh, why didn't you get something useful, like storm windows, or a nice pipe organ? I'm thirsty! Ew, what smells like mustard? There sure a lot of ugly people in your neighborhood. Oh! Look at that one.
(Homer parks the car in the driveway; everyone jumps out except Grampa.) Grampa: Ow, my glaucoma just got worse. The president is a Demmycrat. (Everyone rushes into the house) Hello? I can't unbuckle my seat belt. Hello? (Honks horn repeatedly)
 • Rating: Unrated

Lisa: They cannot keep making dolls like this...something has to be done!
Marge: Lisa, ordinarily I'd say you should stand up for what you believe in. But you've been doing that an awful lot lately!
Bart: Yeah. You made us march in that gay rights parade!
Homer: And we can't watch FOX because they own those chemical weapon plants in Syria.
 • Rating: Unrated

Tour Guide: Welcome to "Enchantment Lane" where all the parts come together and Malibu Stacy is born. Some folks say there's a little touch of fairy dust in the air.
(Scene changes to tough looking man assembling dolls)
Man: Aw, crap. There's a clog in the torso chute!!! Leroy! Get your ass in gear.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Lisa: Well I'm not going to accomplish anything just sitting here--
Grampa: And griping. It's time for--
Lisa: Action! I've got to talk to that woman who invented Malibu Stacy and see if I can get her to--
Grampa: Come out of retirement. I'm gonna get me a job...a real Malibu...and see if Stacy...can help...invent...me...young...heeeelp!
Lisa: You're getting a job.
Grampa: Yes! I'm going where the action is.
 • Rating: Unrated

Lisa: Make sure you get my mom's hair just right!
Stacy Lavelle: Um, I think we'll use someone different for the hair.
Lisa: How about me?
Stacy Lavelle: Um, there's something not quite
Bart: How about me?
Stacy Lavelle: Uh
Homer: How about me?
Stacy Lavelle: (yelling)You all have hideous hair!
(the family gasps) I mean, from a design point of view.
 • Rating: Unrated

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