The Simpsons

The Simpsons Season 5 Quotes (Page 12)

Season 5 Episode 14: "Lisa vs. Malibu Stacy"

Kent Brockman's Daughter: My new doll is much better than Malibu Stacy. Do a newscast about her.
Kent Brockman: Ho ho, please, honey, Daddy's job is to bring people important news. Right now I'm busy preparing a report about the fortieth anniversary of Beetle Bailey.
Kent Brockman's Daughter: Oh, Daddy, that is boring. Talk about the dolly!
Kent Brockman: Well, you were right about the Berlin Wall.
 • Rating: Unrated

Executive: Our one effort to put a stop to this Lisa Lionheart thing has failed miserably. Gentlemen, we have to reinvent Malibu Stacy for the nineties. We'll stay here all night if need be!
Man: Can we order Chinese food?
Executive: (long pause) Yes.
 • Rating: Unrated

Lisa: You know, if we get through to just that one little girl, it'll all be worth it!
Stacy Lavelle: Yes. Particularly if that little girl happens to pay $46,000 for that doll.
Lisa: What?
Stacy Lavelle: Oh, nothing.
 • Rating: Unrated

(At the toy store)
Lisa: I'm warning you, Mom, I may get a little crazy.
Marge: I understand. When I was your age--
Lisa: (attacking another girl) Hey, horseface, get your ugly paws off that summer fun set!
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 5 Episode 13: "Homer and Apu"

Homer: Uh ... Apu friend me good.
 • Rating: Unrated

Lisa: Dad, that's over 10,000 miles away.
Homer: I'm aware of that.
Lisa: That's over 16,000 kilometers.
Homer: D'oh!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Dr. Hibbert: Homer's illness is either caused by ingesting spoiled food, or some sort of voodoo curse.
Patty: (Holding a voodoo doll) Hey, we've just been working the eyes.
 • Rating: Unrated

Kent Brockman: We've also been told to apologize for using the term "geezers." Coming up next, the case of the cantankerous old geezer!
 • Rating: 2.0 / 5.0

Homer: No way, man! No way, man! Get yourself another patsy, man! No way am I wearing a freakin' wire!
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

James Woods: (on the phone) How can it be the same movie if they've changed my character from a tightly-wound convenience store clerk to a jittery Eskimo firefighter? Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Mm-hmm. Well, actually that's a pretty good explanation. Okay, look, book me a flight, rent me an igloo, and tell those dorks at the Kwik-E-Mart that boom, I am out of here. I'm a dot, I'm gone, okay? What do you mean I gotta give two weeks notice? Lousy, fricking, no-good mother(bleep) (bleep) (bleep) (bleep) (bleep) cheese! (Pause) No, not you, I'm just talking to my oven.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Homer: Your old meat made me sick.
Apu: I am so sorry, sir. Please accept five pounds of frozen shrimp.
Homer: These shrimp aren't frozen, and they smell funny.
Apu: Okay, ten pounds.
Homer: Woohoo!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

"Who Needs the Kwik-E-Mart" Lyrics
Apu: You see, whether igloo hut, or lean-to, or a geodesic dome,
There's no structure I have been to, which I'd rather call my home.
Grampa: Hello. (Apu takes his walking stick)Aaah!
Apu: When I first arrived, you were all such jerks,
But now I've come to looooooove your quirks.
Maggie with her eyes so bright,
Marge with hair by Frank Lloyd Wright,
Lisa can philosophize; Bart's adept at spinning lies,
Homer's a delightful fella, sorry about the salmonella.
Homer: Heh heh, that's OK.
(Apu pulls out a chair Grampa was about to sit on and stands on it)
Grampa: Aaah!
Apu: Who needs the Kwik-E-Mart?
Now here's the tricky part.
Oh, won't you rhyme with me?
Who needs the Kwik-E-Mart?
Marge: Their floors are Stick-E-Mart,
Lisa: They make Dad Sick-E-Mart,
Bart: Let's hurl a Brick-E-Mart,
Homer: The Kwik-E-Mart is real D'oh!
All: Who needs the Kwik-E-Mart?
Apu: Not meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Simpsons: Forget the Kwik-E-Mart,
Goodbye to Kwik-E-Mart,
Who needs the Kwik-E-mart?
Apu: Not me!
Homer: Things wrapped up quite nicely, and much earlier than usual.
Apu: (Apu sorrowfully singing) Who needs the Kwik-E-Mart I dooooo.
Homer: Hey! He lied to us through song, I hate when people do that.
 • Rating: Unrated

Marge: If it weren't for Apu, we'd still be in line at the Monster Mart.
Lisa: And he taught me how to play the shenai. (Plays shenai and terrible sound comes out.)
Homer: (Shudders) That's even worse than the album Grampa released.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Squeaky-Voiced Teen: (As he's drowning in cranberry juice) Help me! Help me! (Goes under, comes up again) Mmm, it's cran-tastic!
 • Rating: Unrated

Kent Brockman: And now a message from the Church of Latter-Day Saints.
Dog: (on TV) Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! ...
Lisa: Dad! Are you listening to me?
Homer: Shh, Lisa! the dog is barking!
 • Rating: Unrated

Customer: This is what I think of your store! (Scrunches up a Twinkie)
Apu: Silly customer! You cannot hurt a Twinkie!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Marge: Ooh, Lisa, is that too spicy for you?
Lisa: I can see through time!
 • Rating: Unrated

James Woods: Okay you're you, I'm me.
Jimbo: I'm me!?
James Woods: Hey don't...jerk me around, fella.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Apu: I must go to the head office and appeal my case!
Homer: I'm coming with you! I got you fired, it's the least I can do. Well, the least I could do is absolutely nothing, but I'll go you one better and come along!
 • Rating: Unrated

Head Of Kwik-E-Mart: You may ask me three questions.
Apu: That's great, because I only need one!
Homer: Are you really the head of the Kwik-E-Mart?
Head Of Kwik-E-Mart: Yes--
Homer: Really!?
Head Of Kwik-E-Mart: Yes--
Homer: You!?
Head Of Kwik-E-Mart: Yes. I hope this has been enlightening to you. Thank you, come again!
 • Rating: Unrated

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