The Simpsons

Sundays 8:00 PM on FOX
The simpsons
TV Fanatic Works Better with Prime Instant Video
40,000 other titles are available to watch now.

Moe: Hey Clinton, get back to work!
Bill Clinton: Bite me.

Marge: (referring to Stampy) Homer... it looks like it could gore.
Homer: (chuckles) It does look like Al Gore.

Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose. It's how drunk you get.

Homer

Blackheart: All right, I'll be back in the morning to pick up Stampy.
Homer: Here's the keys.
Blackheart: Elephants don't have keys.
Homer: Well, I'll just keep these then.

Lisa: You're all forgetting the most important thing! Which is that it's wrong to imprison an animal!
Homer: Lisa, go to your room.

It's okay. There's no sugar in Pixie sticks.

Bart

Marge, I think I hate Ted Koppel. No, wait. I find him informative and witty.

Homer

Marge: Homer! Are you planning to hit Ned Flanders with that pipe and steal his tickets?
Homer: Yeno.
Ned: (answers door) Huh? (Homer ges ready to hit him, but changes his mind)
Homer: Oh. Flanders, I decided I'd like to go to the game with you.
Ned: Well, get out the Crayolas and color me "Tickled Pink". Ooh, what's with the lead pipe, were you going to give my noggin a flogging?
Homer: Well, yeah.
(they both laugh)

Lenny: Hey, look! Homer's got one of those robot cars.
(Crash)
Carl: One of those American robot cars.

Ned: Homer, I'd love to chitty-chat, but tonight's the night I do my charity work.
Homer: Oh yeah. The judge made me do that once too. Stupid lack of public urinals.

Homer: Why do you mock me, O Lord?
Marge: Homer, that's not God. That's just a waffle that Bart tossed up there. (She scrapes it down with a broom.)
Homer: I know I shouldn't eat thee, but--(Eats waffle)--Mmm... sacrilicious.

Kent Brockman: Springfield has come down with a fever . . . Football fever. If you have the fever, there's only one cure. Take two tickets and see the game Sunday morning.
TV Voiceover: Warning, tickets should not be taken internally.
Homer: See, because of me, now they have a warning.

Displaying quotes 133 - 144 of 624 in total

The Simpsons Season 5 Quotes

Homer: (Wearing glasses) The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side!
Man: (From inside a bathroom stall.) That's a right triangle, you idiot!
Homer: D'oh!

Homer: Aw, twenty dollars? I wanted a peanut!
Homer's Brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts.
Homer: Explain how!
Homer's Brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services.

× Close Ad