The Simpsons

The Simpsons Season 5 Quotes (Page 15)

Season 5 Episode 11: "Homer the Vigilante"

Apu: Thank you for coming. I'll see you in Hell!
 • Rating: Unrated

Grampa: I'm filled with piss and vinegar! At first, I was just filled with vinegar.
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: So I said to him, "Look buddy, your car was upside-down when we got here. And as for your grandma, she shouldn't have mouthed off like that."
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

(Telephone rings)
Kent Brockman: Well, it looks like we have our first caller. And I mean ever, because this is not a call-in show.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Homer: No burning leaves without a permit!
Man: But I have one!
Homer: Too late!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Principal Skinner: Good Lord! My Stormin' Norman commemorative plates stolen! Again
 • Rating: 3.5 / 5.0

Jimbo: You let me down, man! Now I don't believe in nothin'! I'm goin' to law school!
Homer: NOOOOOOOO!!!
 • Rating: 4.5 / 5.0

Bart: The burglar even took my stamp collection!
Lisa: You! Had a stamp collection!? (everybody laughs *phone rings*)
Nelson: Stamp collection!? Haha!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Marge: I don't think the guns are a good idea!
Homer: Marge! We're responsible adults a--
(Gun shot)
Moe: Whoops!
Homer: And if a group of responsible adults can't handle firearms in a responsible way--
(Gun shot)
Captain McCallister: Sorry!
(gun shot)
Principal Skinner: Uh oh!
(Gun shot)
Moe: Me again...
(Gun shot)
Bart: Sorry.
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: We'll be right back!
Kent Brockman: You don't get to say that!
 • Rating: Unrated

Lisa: Dad, maybe this will cheer you up. (plays song by blowing an empty bottle)
Homer: Oh! It doesn't work anymore.... I didn't say stop!
 • Rating: Unrated

(discussing the where-abouts of the buried treasure)
Homer: Nooo kidding?
Chief Wiggum: Big T, huh?
Homer: Well... I guess I'll be going to my home now and... sleep.
Chief Wiggum: Yeah... me too.... I will also go home.... for sleep.
 • Rating: Unrated

(inside a very large hole)
Mayor Quimby: Mmm, I guess we're not gonna find anything.
Otto: Well how we gonna get outta here?
Homer: We'll dig our way out!
Chief Wiggum: No, no, dig up, stupid!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Ned: Hi-dilly-ho, neighborinos!
Homer: Can't talk, robbed, go Hell.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Lisa: We are insured, aren't we, Mom?
Marge: Homer, tell your child what you bought when I sent you to town to get some insurance.
Homer: Curse you magic beans!
Marge: Oh, stop blaming the beans.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Homer: Okay, here's our new family security rules. Be home before dark, and make sure you're not followed. Lock all doors and windows.
Marge: And don't take candy from strangers.
Homer: Marge, they're only human!
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: Lisa, never, ever stop in the middle of a hoedown!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Ned: Since the police can't seem to get off their duff-a-roonies to do something about this burglar-ino, I propose we start out own neighborhood watch (pause) aroony! (everyone cheers) Now, who should lead the group?
Man: You!
Everyone: (cheering again) Flanders! Flanders! Flanders!
Ned: Well, I don't have much experience, but I'd be--
Moe: Someone else!
Ned: (more cheers) Someone else! Someone else! Someone else!
Homer: I'm someone else!
Lenny: He's right!
Homer: We don't need a thinker, we need a doer! Someone who'll act without considering the consequences!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Homer: Aw, Dad, you've done a lot of great things, but you're an old man now, and old people are useless.
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: Now we need code names. I'll be Cue-Ball, Skinner can be Eight-Ball, Barney will be Twelve-Ball, and Moe, you can be Cue-Ball.
Moe: You're an idiot.
 • Rating: Unrated

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