Man #1: I need one twenty-nine-cent stamp.
Apu: That's a dollar-eighty-five.
Man #2: I'll have two dollars worth of gas.
Apu: Four-twenty.
Martin: How much is your penny candy?
Apu: Surprisingly expensive!

Marge: Ooh, Lisa, is that too spicy for you?
Lisa: I can see through time!

James Woods: But as for me, I'm off to battle aliens on a faraway planet.
Marge: That sounds like a good movie!
James Woods: Yes...yes..uh, a movie...yes.

Apu: (Near the top of a mountain) There she is! The world's first convenience store!
Homer: This isn't very convenient.
Apu: Must you dump on everything we do?

Ah, there's an interesting story behind this nickel. In 1957, I remember it was, I got up in the morning and made myself a piece of toast. I set the toaster to three - medium brown.


Homer: Stop being such babies. You can't be afraid to try new things. For instance, tonight I'm using a... Apu, what do you call this thing again?
Apu: A "napkin".
Homer: (Laughs) Outrageous!

Apu, if it'll make you feel any better, I've learned that life is one crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead.


Oh, stomach churning...bowels clenching...not much time...must finish.

</i> Homer

(Apu sees Homer in the shower with a candy stuck in his chest)
Apu: What's that?
Homer: EhI like to leave it there.

We've come up with a camera so tiny it fits into this oversized novelty hat.

Kent Brockman

Oh, the searing kiss of hot lead, how I've missed you! I mean, I think I'm dying.


Apu: Oh, this time I have gone to far. No, no one will fall for--
Homer: Woohoo! Cheap meat!

The Simpsons Season 5 Quotes

Homer: (Wearing glasses) The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side!
Man: (From inside a bathroom stall.) That's a right triangle, you idiot!
Homer: D'oh!

Mr. Burns: Oh, and one more thing: you must find the jade monkey before the next full moon.
Smithers Actually sir, we found the jade monkey. It was in your glove compartment.
Mr. Burns: And the road maps, and ice scraper?
Smithers: They were in there too, sir.
Mr. Burns: Excellent! It's all falling into place...