The Simpsons

The Simpsons Season 5 Quotes (Page 26)

Season 5 Episode 5: "Treehouse of Horror IV""

Principal Skinner: Hello, Simpson. I'm riding the bus today because Mother hid my car keys to punish me for talking to a woman on the phone. She was right to do it.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Bart: We come now to the final and most terrifying painting of the evening. To even gaze upon it is to go mad.
Homer: (Looking at the painting) Aah! They're dogs...and they're playing poker! Aah!
Bart: We had a story to go with this painting, but it was far too intense. So we just threw something together with vampires. Enjoy!
 • Rating: Unrated

Kent Brockman: Another local peasant has been found dead, drained of his blood with two teeth marks on his throat. This black cape was found on the scene. (It is labeled "Dracula.") Police are baffled.
Chief Wiggum: We think we're dealing with a supernatural being, most likely a mummy. As a precaution, I've ordered the Egyptian wing of the Springfield museum destroyed.
 • Rating: Unrated

Lisa: Ew! Dad, this is blood!
Homer: Correction--free blood.
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: Oh, Lisa, you and your stories: "Bart is a vampire, beer kills brain cells." Now let's go back to that...building...thingy...where our beds and TV...is.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Homer: Kill my boss? Do I dare to live out the American dream?
 • Rating: Unrated

Lionel Hutz: First, some ground rules: Number one, we get bathroom breaks every half-hour.
Devil Flanders: Agreed! Number two, the jury will be chosen by me!
Lionel Hutz: Agreed. No, wait--
Devil Flanders: Silence! I give you the Jury of the Damned! Benedict Arnold, Lizzie Borden, Richard Nixon--
Nixon: But I'm not dead yet! In fact, I just wrote an article for Redbook.
Devil Flanders: Hey, listen; I did a favor for you!
Nixon: Yes, master.
Devil Flanders: John Wilkes Booth, Blackbeard the Pirate, John Dillinger, the starting line-up of the 1976 Philadelphia Flyers!
Simpsons: Ahh!
 • Rating: Unrated

Lisa: Grampa's a vampire?
Bart: We're all vampires.
Lisa: But no. We killed Mr. Burns.
Homer: You have to kill the head vampire.
Lisa: You're the head vampire?
Marge: No, I'm the head vampire. (Lets out an evil laugh)
Lisa: Mom?
Marge: Well I do have a life outside this house, you know.
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 5 Episode 4: "Rosebud"

Homer: Here's an impression of Mr. Burns that you might find a little... cheeky.
(drops his pants to reveal a sad face painted on his butt; the audience gasps)
Homer: (shaking his butt) I'm Mr. Burns. Blah blah blah. Do this, do that. Blah blah blah. I think I'm so big. Blah blah blah...
Mr. Burns: (quietly furious) Destroy him.
(Two guards advance on Homer and club him over the head.)
 • Rating: Unrated

Nelson: My old man can't get a beer because his old man won't give a bear to another old man! Let's get him!
Jimbo: Wait, why are we getting him?
Martin: Look, fellows. The first snapdragon of the season.
Nelson: Nevermind. Let's get him!
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: Ooh, where did I lose 'em? I'll never wiggle my bare butt in public again.
Lisa: I'd like to believe that this time. I really would.
Marge: Bart, run down to the store and get a big bag of ice for your father.
Bart: Yes'm. (to Homer) Dad, I know you're discouraged, but please don't deny the world your fat can.
Homer: Don't worry, boy. He'll be ready for your Aunt Selma's birthday.
Lisa: I knew it.
 • Rating: Unrated

Ice Delivery Man: You've got to start charging more than a dollar a bag. We lost four more men on this expedition!
Apu: If you can think of a better way to get ice, I'd like to hear it.
 • Rating: Unrated

Hitler: (to Bobo) This is all YOUR fault!!!
 • Rating: Unrated

Joey Ramone: I'd just like to say this gig sucks.
Johnny Ramone: Hey, up yours Springfield. One, two, three, four!
Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday Burnsy.
The Ramones: Happy birthday to you!
C.J. Ramone: Go to Hell you old bastard.
Marky Ramone: Hey, I think they liked us!
Mr. Burns: Have the Rolling Stones killed.
Smithers: But sir, those aren't--
Mr. Burns: Do as I say!
 • Rating: Unrated

(Young Mr. Burns is taken away forever.)
Mr. Burns' Father: Oh well...at least we still have his little brother George.
George Burns: Buh buh buh buh, oh the sun shines so bright on my old Kentucky home buh buh buh bum--Trust me, it'll be funny when I'm an old man.
 • Rating: Unrated

Smithers: Who's...Bobo, sir?
Mr. Burns: Bobo? Duh..uh, I meant Lobo...Sherrif Lobo, they should have never canceled that show.
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: Hey, Flanders! You smell like manure!
Ned Flanders: Uh oh...better cancel that dinner party tonight! Thanks for the nose news neighbor.
 • Rating: Unrated

Smithers: Sir, I've arranged for the people of Australia to join hands tonight and spell out your name with candles. There's a satellite hookup on that monitor if you turn your head slightly.
Mr. Burns: Bah, no time.
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: Are you ready to laugh? I said, are you ready to laugh!?
Lady: Quiet you awful man.
Homer: You know, Mr. Burns is so cheap.
Mr. Burns: Whaaat?
Homer: I mean...Mr. Burns is so old--
Mr. Burns: How dare you!
 • Rating: Unrated

Smithers: You want your bear Bobo, don't you?
Mr. Burns: Liar! I'll give you the thrashing of a lifetime...nggg...nyeeh. Resistance is futile!
 • Rating: Unrated

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